Page 31 - How To Sell Yourself

30 How to Sell Yourself
Still worse, when two people are staring into each other’s eyes, their concentration is easily broken as they get into the staring match. Miss Dietrich also suggested to Mr. Stewart that most ac- tors tend to break up in unexplainable laughter when the contact is eye to eye. She recommended a place in the center of the head: the brow, the nose, or the mouth.
Sir Laurence Olivier often yelled at actors working with him, “Stop looking in my eyes.” It broke his concentration.
Select your own spot
I like to look at the mouth. I’m a lip reader. I believe I hear you better if I watch you form your words. So I’ll look at your mouth unless you’re missing two front teeth. In that case, I’ll switch to your brow, unless there’s an enormous zit up there. Then I’ll move to your nose, unless there’s a strange object dangling from one of your nostrils.
What I’m suggesting is that if eye-to-eye contact is stressful or intimidating or uncomfortable for you, find a place on the face of the person you’re talking to and stay there. The important point to remember here is that people you’re talking to are unaware that you’re not looking them in the eye. Eye contact means to look at someone. It doesn’t mean to make someone uncomfort- able by “staring ’em down.”
Avoid bad role models
Again, we’re victims of our role models in this matter.
Very few people find it comfortable to maintain steady eye contact.
So we glance down. Maybe the floor will help us think.
Or we look up. “Please, Lord, help me out of this situation.” Or we look side-to-side. “I am not a crook.”
Notice the way attorneys are portrayed in scenes by actors who’ve researched courtroom behavior. The actor paces and prances before the jury, arms gesticulating, voice filled with fire and brimstone, eyes glued to the floor in front of him as he paces, looking for all the world like the attorney was trained in law school to hunt for roaches.
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