Page 123 - QDG 2023

Meet Hugo, a man whose life has taken a sharp turn from the disciplined ranks of the military to the world of ostenta- tion. Having recently (over 18 months at time of writing) left the Regiment, Hugo seems to have exchanged his combat boots and issued smock, for the most expensive orthopaedic designer trainers and velvet Nehru jackets to wear at his weekly dinner parties. He has become a member of his local bougie Padel (indoor tennis for people that can’t play tennis), taken up spinning classes (indoor bike riding for people that are scared of cycling outdoors), as well as hiring a local wine merchant (Hedonism Wines) to help him navigate through ever-growing social circles with a penchant for flaunting wealth and feigned sophistication.
It wasn’t always like this for Hugo though. He joined the Regiment in August 2017, and the author was fortunate enough to meet him on a summer weekend at a lovely pub in Notting Hill before he arrived at Regimental Duty. It was here that Hugo affirmed his on/off relationship with nicotine, smoking an entire pack of Lambert and Butler menthol clickies and an equal amount of Lager tops. He wasn’t seen again after this day until re-appearing on the slopes of Verbier, visiting the Alpine Ski Team. He was quickly roped in to joining the team, finishing the RAC championships as a convincing racer, ironic that he could ski downhill better than downing pints. It was here that he met his future wife, Harriet – a beginner skier. After rescuing her from a particularly booze filled fondue lunch at Le Mayenzet, like a true gentleman he escorted her down to Medran, swapped Instagram profiles and waited for her to ‘slide into’ his DMs, which she duly did about a year later...
Thursday night lockdown quizzes, ranging from Modern History to Shag, Marry, Avoid of various celebrities. He then developed his love for the finer delicacies in life, confusing Moet & Chandon with white wine put through a soda stream, and commenting on the delicious duck we had at supper one night – it was pork.
The next chapter in Hugo’s career saw him take over as C Squadron Second in Command, under Major Bryn Williams. They deployed to Mali in May 2021, having had no pre-tour leave and confined to the horrific Linton-on-Ouse transit camp for two entire weeks for isolation to stop them contracting any nasty
1st The Queen’s Dragoon Guards 121
Captain Hugo Chaplin
After this initial heartbreak, he quickly established himself as a capable Troop Leader. Joining C Squadron led by Major Ben Parkyn, fellow troop leaders Joe, Alice and Charlie showed him the ropes. He first began by bonding with his Troop Sergeant, Sergeant Owain ‘Dav 220’ Davies, who refused to
talk to him for 3 months. After an un-remarkable performance on Ex WESSEX STORM during the
feared ‘Beast from the East,’ he deployed on his
first Operational Tour to Bemowo Piskie, Poland. It
was here that we first learned about a mother’s love
for one’s child. Every week another premium care
package would arrive, with Fortnum and Mason
biscuits, designer chocolates and posh herbal teas
galore as he tried to break himself away from his
nicotine addiction (not helped by the bad influence
of fellow troop leader Joe). Halfway through the tour
Ben and Alice left with new OC, Dave Hoey, arriving
with his dopple-ganger in tow, Will Groome. Will
took over 1st Troop and Hugo was no longer the
‘new boy.’ So began a period of relentless toxic body
shaming, theft of his nice treats, and even the disappearance of his brand new named and numbered Arsenal shirt that his dear Papa had sent out especially for him, only to turn up in the hands of a horrendous Tottenham Hotspur comedian – you can imagine what happened next.
After returning from Poland, he went on his adventures where he discovered his love of Africa. Weeks spent trekking through the Ugandan rainforest tracking Gorillas, followed by a deploy- ment to Kenya where Will and he found a new pair of victims to bring into their sport obsessed shit-chat Whatsapp group – Ed and Seb. These four founding members of the Subalterns Golf Club had their inaugural match during the COVID-19 pandemic. Hugo had the business acumen and vision to bring to life a 9-hole golf course and employed the useless Gardens Member to mow some greens around Robertson Barracks. It is now assessed by most leading Management Consultants that this golf course would now be bankrupt with millions in lost revenue. It was also during this time that he became the infamous ‘Quiz Master’ during
bugs like COVID. This did not stop Hugo though, who whilst on one patrol managed to contract a rare blood infection, leading to his CASEVAC back to Camp Bagnold. Luckily his mother’s love once again came to rescue, and the entire Squadron was supplied with the entire Fortnum and Mason summer hamper, and all the herbal tea one would need to recover from a most deadly illness. On his return from Mali, he quickly whisked himself away to a coveted job in London, and started planning the event of a lifetime, his wedding to Harriet. A guard of honour made up of the Officers and SNCOs who had played such important roles in his military education were there to assist him as he made that final leap from the QDG and into a job in town.
Upon leaving the military he now finds himself a man of two halves. On one side of him is the board game playing, wine tasting, ostentatious faux chin who wears his regimental slippers to the Cavalry and Guards Club – when questioned on this was overheard to say, ‘is my club not my home?.’ The other side of him can be found at the Home of Football, The Arsenal. Hugo is a man possessed in his Papa’s pitch-side season ticket seats. F’ing and blinding and the referee and linesmen, swilling pints before and after the match, and generally thinking that every away fan there might as well be a member of a terrorist organisation, the venom that he espouses is quite shocking to the feint hearted. Hugo is a brother officer and closest friend of the author, and I have been exceptionally proud to serve alongside through all of this time. He remains a close friend of many QDGs still serving today and remains incredibly proud to call himself a QDG. It has been a pleasure to write this Valette, bringing back the fondest of memories, and a look forward to making many more as he journeys into the next phase of his life in the civilian world. JDK
Upon leaving the military he now finds himself a man of two halves