Page 24 - 2015 AMA Autumn

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Adventures have to start somewhere. For some this can be in childhood, for others it can develop later on in life. But we all need a start point; some event in life where we take that next step forward, a shot into the dark that might pay off. A time comes to no longer remain a passenger sat comfortably in the safety of someone else’s experience. This time, we were on our own.
But this is not how I thought it would be. I’m hunched over my poles, struggling to control my breathing. Pace yourself. I can barely tilt my head for fear of falling right back down from where I just came. In the meagre light all irregularities in the snow have now completely vanished and I am left with no reference; no idea how far we have gone or have yet to go. Someone behind calls out and confifirms we are on the right bearing and I set off again, step after monotonous step. It had snowed all through the previous day and it was time to pay for the coming pleasure. Each thrust of the ski was exhausting as I moved through the deepening powder. I had been breaking trail from the outset, absolutely intent on doing my bit for the group. But the snow concerned me, we didn’t know much about the pack below and it was now covered in deep powder. With each ‘hurumph’ of the ski my mind raced through the conse- quences of what would happen if the snow failed us. Should we just turn back here? I called back through the whiteout to Lachlan. He couldn’t hear me. He could barely see me. I focused in on the effort of sucking on air. It was all I could do to distract myself. As the slope steepened I began to feel my nerves rise. This wasn’t how I thought this trip would end.
It all started with a memory. Some five years prior to this point I had driven through the Lyngen Alps in Norway and was struck by the uniqueness; where mountains punctured out of the water and raced for the sky. The volume and immensity of these mountains was striking. I held onto this small scrap, this faint image of pulling over and taking in the beauty. And so it was, five years later, that I found myself forging on up the NW Face of Daltinden, ’a must for dedicated ski mountaineers’. It offers 1300m of uninterrupted vertical descent and we hoped it to be the one to remember at the end of our week. It was certainly shaping out that way. But perhaps not how I hoped. I was tired. All week we had pushed hard to reach peaks regardless of the weather and it was taking a toll. My mind shot back to the snow, am I ready for this?
We all had varying degrees of experience and have flirted with adventure in other dimensions; one had never ski-toured at all and another was split boarding for the first time. For others it was a
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continuation of some basic skills they had already picked up but what we all sought out so desperately, was a chance to go it alone. We wanted an opportunity to be self-sufficient; to accept the risks through our own decisions. We wanted to draw out our own journey that would take us away from known comforts and a step closer to the adventures we have only ever read about.
But on this final day I began to question myself, I was questioning my ability. I was falling further and further away from what I was comfortable with; I felt like I was no longer in control. My mind raced with consequences but yet I edged further and further forward. I turned back hoping to get reassurance from my friends but Lachlan simply nodded and through the growing wind, struggled to say something about being close. This was our design and I had to accept this. There was no reason not to continue, but I was tired and I had lost my confidence. This wasn’t the romantic push to the summit where the world fell away to reveal all; it was a cold, miserable slog that dragged endlessly upwards. No breath-taking view and no respite. And then it appeared. A pre-historic snow blasted hulk of rocks. It was my lighthouse guiding me safely to the summit. I could feel the excitement pulsing back through my body warming me up. This would be my story. This was my start; that first foot forward on the long road of experience. I was on my way to bigger things and I don’t plan to step off. All adventures start somewhere; this was mine.
22 ARMY MOUNTAINEER