Page 167 - She's One Crazy Lady!

couple of years because of so many lymph glands being involved. But “ you’ll be around for some time yet.” (At least that was positive!)
He went on to say if all went to plan I should be medically fit to go back to work in September but wasn’t to make any decisions until all my treatment was over. That made sense but I had to mention that my salary would have stopped before that.
“Go back in July then.”
I could sense he wasn’t willing to give me any more time. It was frustrating. My consultation was over.
I remember telling Marilyn on the way home about how uncomfortable I felt – that my concerns were somewhat ‘dismissed’. I also remember going on and on about how all doctors should look at the ‘whole’ patient’ and not just the illness and treatment. Was this the norm? It made me think. Cancer patients have to go through so much and it’s not just the treatment they have to contend with – there are so many other outside factors to be taken into account. In my case, I was having to think of ill-health retirement and mentally, I was concerned the worry of this might have an effect on how I responded to treatment. On the other hand I did appreciate they had a very important job to do, that I wasn’t the only one – but there was something missing – a gap in the system – empathy and understanding. I wondered how other patients felt about this. I thought how we, as teachers, listen to children and parents. Yes, something was missing.
Marilyn – “What was it you wanted to hear from him then?”
What did I want him to say? It was good to hear he thought that I should be medically fit to return in September, even if the following two years were medically unknown and yes, he was right in saying I should wait until all my treatment is over. But I was hoping he would listen more and that I wasn’t just a number. He didn’t know ‘Glennis’. All I knew was that the education people were wanting me to make decisions – and I
needed all the help and advice I could get.
Diary extract:
“I have to be content with what he said but it was so rushed, he
seemed cold, the two nurses with him looked disinterested. I didn’t like the feeling of being uncomfortable. I was perfectly confident before I went in. I’d like to go back in and start again. Who else can I talk to? I am being faced with such difficult, life-changing decisions. Why is it so difficult? Why am I worrying like I am? God knows – but at this moment thoughts about returning to school seem to be dominating all my thoughts. All the cancer issues seem insignificant – perhaps Dr Matthew was the wrong person to discuss such matters with.”
(I was to have long, relaxed and honest discussions with Dr Matthew in the years to follow about the first time I met him. He listened – he changed – I changed.)
“I feel so confused; my brain is playing mind games. Why do I keep waking up at 4.00am with so many thoughts and ideas going round my head and feeling so alert? (People say it’s the steroids). Some days my
I have to be content with what he said but it was so rushed, he seemed cold, the two nurses with him looked disinterested. I didn’t like the feeling of being
uncomfortable”
.
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