Page 393 - She's One Crazy Lady!

seeing the Consultant – in the time lapse Marilyn’s breast had worsened! Surely this was not the right way to be given such awful news – certainly not the bedside manner one would expect. Even though we had a very good idea it could be cancer, this was crushing confirmation for Marilyn. I had to hold back the tears, knowing how broken she must have felt. A cup of tea at Costa was needed. She explained that the punch biopsy performed in October did not show cancer but, apparently, that biopsy was not deep enough, so the Dermatologist had done another, deeper biopsy that required stitches. Bloods were taken and a CT scan arranged. Why, oh why, was not all of this sorted much, much sooner? It didn’t bear thinking about – especially with all the Covid issues too! Whatever it was, it was very serious. Had it been left too late? Tears came when I left Marilyn, her bravely saying she was OK and wanted to tell her family on her own. I respected that. But how could she be OK? This was her life and it felt like they were, and had been, playing with it. All kinds of scenarios were running through my head, my mind was in overdrive, the worst outcome of all being that she, Marilyn, my very best friend for 29 years, my soulmate, could die as a result of this. I simply could not imagine life without her. This was the point ‘grief’ came to the fore – facing the reality of death and not
having the future we had dreamed of and looked forward too. I had to pick myself up and dismiss such selfish thoughts. I had to be strong for her and support her...
be there for her, in any way I could. She did not deserve
this. No-one deserves to get cancer – but having
survived it once, it felt cruel she should fall victim to
it again – but this time not having the availability of
medical people on hand to see her, to treat her – and
to follow the national guidelines for seeing cancer
patients and starting treatment within a given time
period – as should normally have happened.
Even though at Crazy Hats we had experienced many patients being diagnosed with secondary, or a new form of cancer, this was heart breaking. This was Marilyn. Was it breast cancer again? Could breast cancer present itself like this? For the first time we both asked the question – why? Why Marilyn – again? Why did it have to be like this? Why had she seemingly been ‘neglected’? Would the outcome have been less severe if she had been seen earlier? What would be the outcome? We didn’t know. It was just unspeakable. There were stories on the television about people with suspected cancer not being seen. Why? Why was this
happening? Why was it allowed to happen?
I could not imagine what thoughts must have been going through Marilyn’s mind. I felt she was in shock. I knew she was angry. Because of the Covid
“This was the point ‘grief’ came to the fore – facing the reality of death and not having the future we had dreamed of.
”
393