Page 405 - She's One Crazy Lady!

Finally...
I’ve got them all!
Whilst reading a ‘Writing’ magazine recently, the following words held resonance with me...
“Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task... there’s a reason why ‘writhing’ and ‘writing’ are only one letter apart... actually getting down to putting words on paper can become excruciating and, sometimes, can be the hardest thing in the world to constantly find the right ones.”
My writing had slowed down. Marilyn was with us but very poorly. We’d come through Covid. Crazy Hats had closed...
Where was life going? I so wanted to get this book done but simply could not find the mental energy or the motivation to sit and write as I wanted. I had even stopped writing my diary at the back end of 2020.
However, that all changed the day, a few weeks before Marilyn died... when I lied to her. I lied to her to give her peace of mind – I told her I had finished my book. I knew I was being disloyal but it was what I felt I had to do at that time. Whether she believed me, or not, I shall never know. Nevertheless, I made it my mission, literally the day after I told her to get my pens out, set my stall up and ‘write’ – to finish the book!
Marilyn so wanted me to complete it, so I owed it to her. I owed it to so many people. I owed it to myself.
As I got back into the swing of writing – in earnest – the process helped me to fill the massive void that surfaced after losing Marilyn. Would the book ever have been finished had I not told that white lie and chosen this pathway? I’m unsure. Revisiting and re-living all the happy times we spent together with our families, with our friends and the special occasions we shared brought both smiles and tears but it had to be done. It was as if she was there with me, willing me on .....
Oh, but I did miss her. It was incredibly hard. I missed not being able ring her to remind me of a date, a name or a place – she had such a good memory. I missed her telling me to ‘get on with it.’ I missed her sense of humour. Then there would be feelings of resentment that cancer had taken her – a dreadful disease that she and I had come face to face with, almost on a daily basis, for twenty years both personally and with so many acquaintances and friends. Feelings of anger would be replaced with feelings of pride and appreciation, knowing she stood by me for all that time and played such a huge part in the success of
“Nothing is so fatiguing as
the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task... there’s
a reason why ‘writhing’ and ‘writing’ are
only one letter apart... ”
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