Page 31 - Vol. VI #9

ited her her her her once on on family day The The same crosses and and posters of of of the the the the Twelve Steps adorned now drab walls of of of white and and gray The The people inside welcomed me me me me me with hollow smiles My mother was was was wearing her her her her her her her pink sweater but there there there was was was the the the the the the the the the smell of of of Hops or or or or ash when she hugged me me me me me Children parents spouses siblings they were all there there there for for for support I was was was the the the the the the the the the the only one there there there for for for my mother “I need need you to to to to to to forgive me me ” my my mother mother said ran down the side-
The The group was silent and my my mother mother wouldn’t look away from me concrete and gravel driveways searing my feet Trees and houses a a blur of browns and grays and and greens and and reds until I stopped ” What I I I I I I I I I wanted wanted wanted to to to to tell her her her was was that I I I I I I I I I needed her her her to let me leave Easter wouldn’t be be for another two months But it was was only a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a couple weeks after she came home when I I I I first noticed the the the beer cans reappearing on on the table ~
Dunagan is is an an an emerging writer who works with both the real real and unreal She is is currently seeking her her Master’s in in in in Creative Writing at at at the the University of Northern Iowa Her creative nonfiction can be seen in in Junto Magazine That year after Pride Brandie and and and I I I I I I got match- ing orange-and-yellow equal signs on on on on the the the the same ankle as my my my my mother’s blue daisy But when I I I I I I I started a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a sleeve of of of my my my my own I I I I I I I thought I I I I I I I didn’t want a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a flower It It would remind me me too much of of of of my my my my mother mother I I I I I I got one anyway It It sits directly on on on the the the inside of of of of my my my my wrist A rose with petals of of of of red 22
The The day ended with a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a family group meeting and and the the the the the the the the the the the the counselor counselor spoke of how how how to to to to move forward how how how we could help and and how how how to to to to accept the the the the the the the the the the the things that had happen The The The counselor counselor then asked them to to to to tell their families what they needed walk the rugged “I I I I I I I I I I wanted wanted wanted to to to to say I I I I I I I I I did I I I I I I I I I wanted wanted wanted to to to to know I I I I I I I I I would would never hear voice stumble or break “I can’t ” ” I I I I I I finally said “Not now ” ”