Page 34 - The Woven Tale Press Vol. IV #2

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WDirt Type
hat is the most appropriate age gap between a man and his vacuum cleaner? I am aged 45 and my vacuum cleaner is 19, but everyone is
saying that I should be using a much older one. It is un- becoming, they all say, in these deficit reduction days to own such an obscenely recent appliance. Cubaniza- tion is the modern way. Buy new parts, replace every component in the machine, but never, never, never buy a new one.
Divide your age by two and add seven, my brother said. You should be looking for a vacuum cleaner which is at least 29 years old.
But what models of that vintage still function?
The man at the deficit reduction advice centre laughed at me. “I know of one that’s 108 years old and still sucking hard,” he said, and gave me the address of a vintage vaccum dealer who operated from under an arch in Salford.
The dealer had a long ginger beard that a small owl could live in and garish sleeve tattoos and he began the consultation by measuring the length of my arms to
daVid GaFFney