Page 57 - Vol. VI #8

statement After a a a a a a a a a a a a a a tasteless meal of boiled boiled cabbage and and and boiled boiled pork at at at at the the restaurant next door I returned to to to my my room and and and gazed from my my fifth-story window The spring night was was warm and and and and humid the the the the street below submerged in in in in in a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a pecu- liar darkness as as as if if under water On a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a flat rooftop on on on on on on Vaclavske Namesti a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a pale neon swan was was rotating like a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a lighthouse beacon Now sitting still and and and alone for for for the the the the first time all all day I I felt the the the the full weight of of of of of my my foreignness my my isolation and and the the the the the onus of of of of self all all all of of of of us us us us carry wherever we we go go Remembering Gregor Gregor Samsa’s transformation transformation into a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a gigantic insect in in in in in “The Metamorphosis ” I I pondered the the the the the the the reaction of of of of of of his his his family—the horror the the the the the the the pity the the the the the the the disgust and finally the the the the the the the contempt The The fantastic nature of of of Gregor’s transformation transformation was “My grandmother had died I was sure of it While I dreamt she had died alone in an institutional bed ” of of of little importance Had his his his his legs been been crushed by a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a train the the the the the the the the the effect on on on on on on on his his his his family family would have been been the the the the the the the the the same: he he he he he he he he he he he he he he could no no longer fulfill his his his his desig- nated role The Samsas had had come come to to to rely upon Gregor’s income and and thus he he he he he he he he he he he he he he had had served as as as the the the the the the the the de de de facto head of the the the the the the the the the the household But
Gregor Gregor was was now an an an an an invalid Eventually his his father father mother mother and and and sister adapted to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the circumstances reconfig- uring the the the the the the the the the the the family to to to to to to to to to exclude him The same thing was was happening to to to to to to to to to my my my grandmother: the the the the the the the the the the the peremp- tory tory visits to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the nursing home my my my father’s efforts to to to to to to to to to squelch her
her
her
story my my my own reluctance to to to to to to to to intervene When Gregor expired at at the the the the the the the the the end of of of “The Metamorphosis ” the the the the the the the the Samsas felt more than relief—they experienced joy They were better off without him or or or or or or or so they they seemed to to to to believe My family was was incapable of of of such overt selfish- ness ness Our pleasures had always been tempered with with guilt Still I I I couldn’t help feeling that I I I was was was was collaborating in in in in in in in in in in my grandmother’s decline accel- erating her
her
her
her
annihilation by refusing to to to hear her
her
her
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This willful deafness was was was demanding work which perhaps was was why I I I I I I had needed a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a vacation For a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a little while I I I I lay in in in in in in in in bed reading the the the the the history section of of my my tourist guide where I I I I learned about the the the the Premyslid Dynasty and and the the the the Defenestrations that ignited the the the the Thirty Years War Soon I I I I fell asleep with a a a a a a a a a a a a a a melancholy fragment of of “The (continued on on on next page) 48