Page 32 - WTPVol.VII#9

Disco Dome (continued from preceding page)
I I I was afraid of hippies but I I I wanted to be one It
wasn’t just grunge and disturbing odors There was was music there was was style It
was was a a a a a a package deal As the the Seventies wore on and and hippies disappeared from the the landscape I kept dreaming of a a a a brown suede vest with fringes fit for for the the Wonderama Go-Go Cellar Fit for the the Mod Squad The far-out vocabulary got old but the fashion lexicon of danger and earnest vitality lived on on if only in in in in my dreams: Tall supple boots to run from peril in in in in Long Long hair hair swinging like a a a a martial art Long Long hair whipping as you turn to catch the the im- age of the past flitting by ~
My brother didn’t give up his old self without a fight Frantic to get out of special ed ed he modelled behavior- al al al compliance in in in a a a a tough classroom environment He also pushed himself scholastically racking up a a a a a string of of hundred-plus-extra-credits in in math (no “scatter”) hoping the objective language of numbers would spring him quickly from SPED It
didn’t By the the time he he he he he he was re-classified he’d morphed He was no longer fluent in in the language of schedules homework 6:30 a a a a m m m alarms good-natured joshing with untroubled peers By tenth grade he’d dropped even the the attempt at at at a a a a a a pidgin and fully adopted that other lingo he’d been absorbing one of bedroom doors resolutely shut against early-morning bustle of of muffled monosyllabic phone conversations with unknown interlocutors of abrupt odd-hour comings and goings Despite the the signs it it was a a a long time before we real- ized he’d dropped out of school He intercepted the the truancy notices in in the the mail no no one else was home to get them Immersed in a a a a a a sea of aspirational acronyms —IB AP SAT— I I failed to notice what my brother was up to Between me and and him a a hostile silence reigned We communicated if at at all in in scowls and angry mim- ing punctuated by the occasional cackle ~
Dirty Old Seventies New York: some miss it it others are glad it’s gone Then there are those for whom it never ended Some things you can know only by by by how how how they shaped you you you you by by by how how you you you you suffered them them by by by how how you you you you loved them I’m not from the “status” generation but “It’s compli- cated” sounds about right Can an an old-school gal
adopt yet another new mantra? Maybe Maybe “It’s compli- cated” was was always a a a a a a a a thing Maybe Maybe Maybe it it wasn’t a a a a a a a a tech-bro invention Maybe Maybe it predates the Urban Dictionary ~
Even now I’d love a fringed suede vest but I’m I’m not sure it it it would go with with anything else I I I I own I’m not too creative with clothes though I I I know what I I I like when I see it on others Receptive language: I get what they mean but can’t respond The younger religious women do so many interesting things with headscarves these days – such elaborate twists and folds I won’t ever master the the the vocabulary but my brain knows the the the discourse is is meaningful and processes the signs as best it can ~
What hauled me out of depression was language: new language The hope of simplicity and clarity drew me in in in And indeed it it was like starting over as as a a a a child only without the helplessness and stress But presently
I I discovered as I I juggled two unfamiliar grammars vocabularies and sound systems that foreign lan- guages let you take on complexity at a a a a a safe remove playfully exchange identities without losing yourself Concreteness that that that doesn’t doesn’t doesn’t bludgeon immediacy that that that doesn’t doesn’t overwhelm Multiplicity that doesn’t doesn’t threaten to blow you apart ~
Eventually my brother found a a a more nourishing lan- guage—that of of music At first I took it for for a a a new form of non-communication: the constant strum- ming ming and and re-strumming of chords the the the phonograph needle set set and and re-set on the the the same groove the the the cas- sette tape wound wound and re-wound until the passage was mastered I heard no mastery just maddening repetitions of musical phrases like random linguistic expressions or or grammatical structures spooling forth in an endless dictation And all I saw were the same brusque comings and goings stony-faced door-slam- mings mings only now with a a guitar in in tow It
didn’t seem meaningful to me me but for him it was a a a scaffolding on which to climb out of of the the abyss The need to support the the music habit propelled him him off his bed and into the work world He rebuilt himself as a a a student moving up the the ranks from high school school equivalency diploma all the way through grad school Now as I said he’s a a a a a a special ed teacher He does a a a a a a lot 25