Page 40 - WTPVol.VII#9

Janet alBaugh
Icame down from the the the the roof in in in in the the the the rain because more monsoon is coming and and I I had to rearrange the the plastic plastic sheeting and put more bricks up there There’s a a a drip through the the den ceiling into a a a beige plastic plastic wastebasket and a a a a a a a a a leak leak in in the the garage Everyone has a a a a a a a a a leak in their garage garage I tell myself I I I I have to hurry and and and eat before I I I I go but when I I I I open the the the the the the fridge and and the the the the the the cold air hits me in the the the the the the chest and and I I just close the the the doors So I put yet another piece of the the the same rotisserie chicken on on a a a a plate and and spill on on some frozen vegetables from a a a a bag and and nuke it it Am I the one who has written cookbooks and been revered for her lamb shanks with Cabernet syrup? I I wait for the the microwave and worry about the roof while I negoti- ate with myself “I don’t have to to go tonight because it’s pouring I I I can start next week ” I I pick at the the sad chicken with my fingers standing up in in in the kitchen and and decide that I just want to get it it over with Jeremiah met met his new wife at the bereavement group Sally met her fiancé Spencer says it’s very important and I have to leave right now I I go out driving at night in in in in the rain in in in in my new but still unfamiliar neighborhood and and it’s not bad But I have to find Valley Beth Shalom by the the street address address and there aren’t street addresses on Ventura When I I try to to get in the the the lot the the the guard says I I have to to park across the street because I’m I’m not handicapped handicapped You god- damned fucking son of a a a a bitch I’m not handicapped handicapped without my handsome sweet tough sexy smart funny happy go lucky Dennis Ok I I I say and back out I’m dressed in a a a a navy blue Iowa sweatshirt to my knees wet jeans and rubber garden shoes The only man I’m interested in in in meeting tonight is a a roofer The glass doors doors push open like like cafeteria doors doors into a a a a hallway with shiny vinyl tile and rooms like class- rooms on both sides I’m in in in a a a a synagogue what am I I doing here and slide down the chute into my odious childhood memories but let’s just get over it The present is hard enough So I I find the the place I’m sup- posed to meet the the intake person and and sit and and wait Young families who are happy to be there walk by Their children are holding pieces of construction
paper with with stuff pasted on There’s a a a a bulletin board with soccer teams and and swim meets and and other activi- ties at VBS Funny My childhood synagogue was called Beth Shalom That also sounds like a a a a a a baby sit- ter I I I laugh “Aren’t I I I doing good?” I I I think to myself as an an an imposing woman in in a a a a a a long skirt and black blazer asks me if I’m there for the the the H-O-P-E group She was pleasant in the social worker way and and hands me a a a a a a a one-sheet to fill out She sits and and makes small talk while I I I fill in my ad- dress and and email yes I’m I’m new to the Valley no I I I I don’t have children and and I I I think I’m doing so well mul- titasking and and then I get to to the the the bottom of of the the the page where it says in in in case of emergency please notify and and I see the lines stand in in 3-D space above an an empty bottomless unfillable void and and and and my juice runs out of me and and and down it it I I just hand it it back and and and try not to be dizzy I look look at at at her like a a a a a a camel might look look at at at a a a a a a goat “This is is the worst question you could ask me ” She leads me to the large activities room where a a a a hundred people were milling drinking coffee or tea sitting in in in in in folding chairs in in in in in front of of a a a a stage The social worker introduces me me to some of the HOPE widows One is so well groomed and and perfectly made up she reminds me of Michael Jackson and another one has hair so thin it looks like baby’s breath around her skull “This is is the place you should be be be ” that one says “You won’t believe it you’ll be be a different person When I I I first came here I I I heard people people laughing and I I wondered who such people people were that they could laugh But it’s been been two years since I’ve been been com- ing and you’ll see see ” I I see see she looks like Woody Allen would want her to play a a a a refugee This is is who I I can aspire to be be in in two years? I’m not a a a a very compassion- ate person but she’s still talking “We meet before group we have dinner We call each other ” Should I I tell her I I came to meet a a roofer?
Albaugh has been a a a a a a a a a a a magazine staff writer writer writer food editor editor beauty editor editor cookbook author author and and writer writer writer of memoir She was formerly a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a writer writer writer for for for LA Times and and and Los Los Angeles Angeles Magazine has co-authored with great chefs in in in in in Los Los Angeles Angeles and and as as as written a a a a a a a a a a a a a book about food for for Chronicle Books She She recently was published in in in in Folks Magazine She She lives in in in in Los Angeles CA Valley Beth Shalom 33