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Difficult opposing
counsel may be
the worst part of
practicing law, but
unfortunately it is a
part that most lawyers
encounter at some
Claire E. Parsons
point in our careers.
Litigators generally expect some
tension in our law practices. After
all, our clients come to us when
they are in a dispute, and these
situations often are the hardest
times in their lives. You would
have to expect a lot to assume that
everyone in situations like this
would behave appropriately.
If decent conduct is too much to
expect in litigation, though, is it too
much to ask? I say no, but I do so
with full knowledge of how hard it
can be. This is why it is sometimes
necessary to remind myself why
good conduct—even in challenging
situations—is good for me. Here
are three reasons why being civil
towards difficult opposing counsel
supports your own well-being.
1Live Your Values
and Not Theirs
Sometimes it is hard to remain civil
when other people are not making
the same effort, so we should first
set the record straight. Remaining
civil and kind with difficult people
is not only for them. Instead, it is the
best gift that you can give yourself.
If you let a difficult opposing
counsel get in your head or under
your skin, you may start to live their
values and not yours. They may not
feel guilty or remorseful afterwards,
but you probably will if you value
decency, kindness, and following
rules.
Staying steady in response to
challenging behaviors from
opposing counsel gives you the
peace of mind of knowing that you
complied with your own ethical
standards even when it was not
easy. That means more than the
momentary high you might get
from letting opposing counsel
have it even when they deserve a
comeuppance.
2Kindness and Civility
Feels Better
Related to this is the reality that
civility towards all opposing counsel
feels a lot better than allowing your
buttons to be pushed at will. Why
do opposing counsel sometimes
engage in obstreperous conduct?
Why do they select language
intended to trigger your shame?
Why do they seem to strategically
send emails, issue discovery
requests, and file motions at
inconvenient times? Sometimes
they are stressed and dysregulated
themselves, but I have experienced
times where these were obviously
conscious choices.
Opponents sometimes use these
tactics to throw up roadblocks and
make us miserable. One way to
fight back is not to fight at all. You
can learn strategies to stay calm,
tend to yourself, and then choose
the response that is most kind and
effective for your client. I will not
lie to you that this is a frequent
challenge for me, but it is one that is
well worth it. Ultimately, struggling
to find the calm and kind response
feels a lot better than getting sucked
into the animosity and mind games
my opponents sometimes employ.
3Civility Wins Most
of the Time
The last reason to keep returning
to civility with an opponent who
chooses otherwise is that it is
usually more effective. Again,
I cannot lie here and say that
duplicitous, mean-spirited, or
gotcha tactics in law practice never
win. Most of the time, though, these
tactics are obvious, can be averted,
and they anger judges and other
fact finders.
As litigation counsel, I try to present
myself and my client as the voices
of reason in the case because
our credibility will affect how the
decision maker views the issues. In
addition, if I ever hope to resolve
a case, it really helps to keep my
level-headedness on full display
so that opposing counsel knows
that I will work with them if they
ever decide to change approaches.
In the short term, it can be hard to
show restraint and decency with
an opposing counsel who shows
neither, but over the long haul this
usually pays off.
Conclusion
These three reasons help me
remember to stay as kind as
possible, civil, and decent when I
am dealing with the most difficult of
my opposing counsel. Sometimes
we may have to consciously
remember why to choose civility
even when others in our profession
do not make the same choice.
Remaining civil with all opposing
counsel helps me stay true to my
values, feel better, and give my
best to my clients. Despite the
challenges of doing this, learning
how to do these things, even with
opposing counsel I find difficult, is
one of the most rewarding parts of
practicing law.
Claire E. Parsons is an FDCC Defense
Counsel member and Of Counsel at Bricker
Graydon LLP in the Cincinnati area.
She is also Chair of the FDCC’s FedLife
Committee.
50 February 2026 | Federation Flyer www.thefederation.org