Page 114 - FDCC Pandemic Book

Living in a Pandemic: A Collection of Stories on Coping, Resilience & Hope
to work remotely, doctors are offering more telehealth and video appointments than ever before; this has allowed us to participate in important appointments. We’ve purchased pill organizers with multiple compartments for each day, and set phone alarms to alert our parents when to take each medication. Most importantly, we’ve established ongoing dialogue with our parents’ healthcare providers, subscribed to newsletters, and joined online forums designed to continue to educate us about how best to partner with our parents in meeting their healthcare needs.
LESSON 3– PATIENCE REALLY IS A VIRTUE.
My husband often remarks that patience is not one of my spiritual gifts. He is not wrong. But when implementing changes for our parents, I have learned that we need to go slowly.
While my mother was recovering in our home, we made frequent trips to her house to get things she needed and to assess the changes we would need to make to accommodate her new needs upon returning home. We learned that, although she was adept at hiding things in closets, drawers, and cupboards, she had been struggling to keep up with the house and manage certain tasks. We also learned that she had been storing a great deal of material left from her 40-year career as an elementary school teacher. The boxes were stacked in precariously-balanced towers that were an impressive accomplishment for a woman who is only 5 feet tall.
Several family members wanted to help, but some of us were far too quick to dictate solutions. In hindsight, I realize that we were upset with ourselves for not managing things earlier, and the emotion caused reactionary behavior that caused Mom to distrust and resent every change.
We had to take a big step back. My mother needed help, but she is an adult, and she wants to retain as much independence and autonomy as possible. In addition, as a mother, it is still her instinct to want to care for us. It is hard for her to accept that she is now the one who needs care, and even harder to have her kids being the people telling her what to do. We had to find the patience to go slowly and involve her in the problem-solving process.
For instance, my mom wanted to be able to drive again, and her doctors agreed that would be safe once her orthopedic injuries healed. But her need to use a cane meant that she would need more room to safely get into, out or, and around her car and we needed to eliminate anything that might cause her to trip. When we discussed the specific goal of giving her enough space to maneuver around her car in the garage, she agreed, but she wanted to be part of the process. Over a period of weeks, we helped her go through the boxes of books. She told stories from her years in the classroom; she read beloved stories to us; she had opportunities to send specific books to particular people and places. A month later, we had learned a lot about
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