Page 124 - FDCC Pandemic Book

Living in a Pandemic: A Collection of Stories on Coping, Resilience & Hope
wife, Julie, into our family and was an incredible uncle to my two sons. He and his husband, Bernie, opened their home to us whenever we were in Atlanta.
But, we were still different. While Frank was funny and flamboyant, he still annoyed the stew out of me on occasion. After about three days in close proximity, I would always need a break. So, there was a much-improved relationship, but we were not close.
Even so, he was family. I would happily provide him with legal advice whenever he needed it. And, that was the nature of our final communications with each other. He called me in early July to tell me that he contracted COVID from a patient. I provided some advice on pursuing a worker’s compensation claim. Then, we exchanged two texts about the process shortly after he checked into the hospital.
That’s it. The last time I talked to my brother was about filing a legal claim??? It’s a huge regret and a tough lesson. Frank’s death has really shaken me up. My father died in 2003 and my mom in 2016. Neither of those deaths impacted me nearly as severely as Frank’s. I think that’s because I now appreciate I loved this man and know that I should have done a better job of letting him – and me – know it. So, today, I try to preach the lesson of love.
I know. I know. It sounds cliché. Love your family and let them know it. But, to quote the great 80’s hair-metal band, Cinderella: “You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.” I’m not the only one who has strained relationships with family members. So, I encourage everybody I know to work at loving the people in your family who you might otherwise spurn. You really don’t know when you are going to be left on your own.
And, the losses will hit you when you least expect it. Julie and I went camping in Virginia for a few days in September. We drove home through Chattanooga and passed multiple signs encouraging us to: “See Rock City!” As we talked, Julie disclosed that she’s never visited Rock City, even though she’s lived most of her life within two hours of that scenic wonder. That disclosure tickled a faint memory for me. I thought our family visited Rock City when I was four or five. Then, it dawned on me that I have nobody left who can confirm that memory. It’s not very easy to make your way through Chattanooga traffic with tears rolling down your face.
So, focus on loving your family so that you don’t cause interstate pileups. I think the way to work on loving your family is to emphasize relationship building and overlook slights, real or perceived. When Frank and Bernie would visit our house, he could instinctively find my most-expensive bottle of chardonnay. He would pop the cork and promptly drop an ice cube to cool that baby down. Infuriating. Maddening. Frank. Over the years, Bernie and I came to joke about this type of conduct. Frank didn’t think about what he was doing. He wasn’t mean-spirited. He was just Frank.
119