Page 7 - Aging Parents - FDCCPublications

PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
My story is not unlike many others
I was an only child. My mother was a teacher, and my father was a farmer living in northeast South Dakota. By the time
they began having significant health issues in their 90s, I was a busy attorney living in Minneapolis, about 275 miles away, with small children of my own. My mother was four years older than my father. As my father had weathered some fairly significant surgeries and health scares during his lifetime, both he and I thought that my mother would outlive him. But that was not to be the case. My mother passed away in 2010 at the age of 92. She had spent the last year of her life in a nursing home with moderate dementia and kidney failure. My father passed away in 2019 at the age of 97. At the time of his death, he had spent four years living in a residential living facility with minimal assistance. He was sharp as a tack until the week he passed away, which was both a shock and a blessing.
I learned a few things in caring for my parents and watching my husband care for his 95-year-old mother, which I hope you might find helpful.
1. Have all appropriate legal documents drafted, signed, and stored appropriately
We are attorneys, after all. Have all appropriate legal documents, including a will, power of attorney, and healthcare directive, drafted, signed, and stored in proper locations. I recommend storing copies with your parents, at your home, in your office document management system, and with your parents’ doctor’s office and hospital. I cannot tell you the number of times I called my office and asked them to send my parents’ power of attorney or healthcare directive to a hospital or doctor’s office. Other times, I told
a doctor or hospital that the documents were already on file with the clinic or hospital. Have those documents prepared, signed, and readily accessible as you will need them. Because I lived so far away from my parents, I made many fast trips to the airport when they were hospitalized for an emergency. You will want to ensure that the hospital has medical power of attorney on file and all needed paperwork. It is also good to review all of the documentation periodically.
2. Know your parents’ physicians and their medical staff
Admittedly, this may have been easier because my parents lived in a relatively small community. They were typically
hospitalized at the same hospital where I was born. I made it a point to get to know their doctors and their doctors’ medical assistants. My parents signed a healthcare power of attorney so that I could speak with their physicians, and I did so regularly. Their doctors and assistants knew me and were happy to talk to me and provide me with information to
help me make healthcare decisions. Because the healthcare directive and power of attorney were on file with the doctor and the hospital, when I received a phone call from the hospital when my father suddenly became ill the week before he passed away, the doctor was able to provide me with a significant amount of information.
Make sure your parents keep contact information for you and their physicians in their billfolds. When my mother- in-law fell on the ice in front of a CVS Pharmacy, she had no such information in her billfold. She was taken to the downtown Minneapolis Hennepin County hospital because they did not know if she had insurance. She had a head injury and called me from the hospital, not knowing if she was in Minneapolis or St. Paul or what hospital she was at. Make sure your parents keep your contact information and the contact information of their physicians in their billfolds. They should also keep a list of their medications and dosages in their billfolds. The residential living facility where my dad lived kept this information in an envelope outside
of his door so that the emergency personnel could take the medication list along if they were taking him to the hospital.
2