Page 32 - FDCC_AgingParents

PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
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After investigation, I was back to where I started.
If my mom’s driving poses less risk to the public than my 17-year-old son’s driving, who am I to say that she should no longer drive?
I am tempted to stop and leave it like Walter Cronkite used to end his broadcasts, “and that’s the way it is.” He was sharing the facts, nothing more and nothing less. But I must ask myself, am I simply avoiding the issue? Am I letting
my concern for my mom’s emotional comfort or happiness overshadow a very real concern for her physical safety and the safety of those around her?
Just as parents should have the courage to make hard choices to do the right thing for their children, ought we, as the children of an elderly parent, have the same courage to do what is best for our parents, too?
Summoning just a bit more courage, I took to the internet, looking for resources, data, or anything I could use for guidance.
A search for “how long to let the elderly drive” brought me to Seniors and Driving: A Guide by Caring.com. As I read through it, I found myself checking off the common risk factors as not applying to my mom. Then, a sentence jumped out at me.
“We’ve developed guidelines that will help you avoid being an alarmist,” it assured, “yet also realize when the time has arrived that driving is no longer a safe activity for the person in your care.”
This section of the guide held promise. I could envision discussing the steps with my siblings. The most promising was the suggestion to hire a Certified Driver Rehabilitation Specialist (CDRS). They can essentially serve as a driving instructor who could evaluate her driving and possibly make the recommendation all of us are afraid to express.
The report could be discussed amongst my siblings, and
we could decide together what should be explained to our mother. If the recommendation is to cease driving, we can refer to the CDRS and hopefully make it feel less like a personal attack on her. If the recommendation is something in between, we could hire CDRS to help her and explain the limitations they observed to her.
In other words, leave it to the professionals.
Caring for elderly parents is not for the faint at heart, and it often requires the courage to tackle tough decisions. I found some ways to broach difficult topics with your parents that may help ease the decision-making. While the issue itself will vary by family, it should always involve being sensitive to the parent’s feelings and yet having the courage to do the right thing. And really, isn’t that true for most challenges in life?
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David L. Jarrett is Counsel for Western Reserve Group in Wooster, OH. Contact him at: Dave_Jarrett@wrg-ins.com.