Page 29 - Labyrinth--Suburban Stardust

Poet: Sam Regan
our talks about nothing used to mean everything but now they’re as empty as the hole in my chest
the forced laughter that comes from our tight-lipped smiles makes me want you to leave again
you wouldn’t recognize me anymore my glowing skin and expensive eyeshadows have been replaced with cracked porcelain and purple bruises you used to say you loved my smooth stomach
but i could never wish that
i love you too much and my heart wants to wrap you into my arms again when my brain just wants you to walk away once more
you’ve always been good at that
i am constantly at war with my own body
i’m trying to hold down this vomit as our conversation ceases
we’re too different now
i’m too different now
you took a part of me with you when you left
and i know that sounds cliché but those are the only words that i can use right now
they are overused and have lost their purpose
but i guess words take after the speaker
i want my confidence back
i want my bravery back
i want my happiness back
you took it all away from me when you left to follow your dreams
i know i am supposed to be happy for you but it’s so damn hard when my sanity is at stake
i replaced your kisses with pills
i replaced your hugs with straitjackets i replaced your love with insanity
i wonder if you’ll love this crater that has replaced it
i can’t eat anymore because all i can think of is the happy look in your eye when we ate at our restaurant
will you take your new girl there? will it be your restaurant now?
i haven’t brushed my hair in days
i miss the way you would run your fingers through it
and my brush can’t replicate the warmth of your hand
you said it was softer than silk
you said you could see your reflection in my eyes
you said my skin glowed brighter than the sun
i haven’t seen a mirror in a week
my skin is gray and dull
my hair is thin and broken
my mother says i’m still beautiful
but a corpse is never described as such without pity built into the words you took a part of me with you when you left
and i don’t think i will ever be whole again because i loved you with all of being
and you’re loving her with yours