Page 54 - ST November 2013

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BY SCOTT TEIGEN

Don’t Try This At Home

Unfortunate Advice from

a Relationship “Expert”

W

ell, the rumors are true: your matter, I think it’s best if you go with a band-aid
resident relationship expert is solution for the time being. That’s right: tie sofa

engaged! It just goes to show pillows to your horse’s hooves, so when she starts

that the three cornerstones of a raining blows down upon the other horses, they’ll
healthy, long-lasting relation- just get a face full of pillow. As far as the bigger issue

ship are 1) communication, 2) at hand, my only suggestion is simply accepting that

love, and 3) disregarding - with extreme prejudice your horse is just really, really mean.
Q:
- every piece of advice I’ve given in this column.

Huzzah!
Dear Scott, I really love to roller skate.

Gifts can be sent to Scott Teigen, 7 Parelli Way, Last week I think I made a mistake by
Pagosa Springs, CO 81147. We could use a new toaster. showing my horse how fun it is. Now he

Finally, and I’m being totally sincere here, thank wants to learn and refuses to do anything else that

you to everyone who has given me positive feedback I ask. What do I do? - Ashley (Perplexed in Pagosa
on this column. It was risky to even bring up the idea Springs)
A:
of a column like this being added to a prestigious

magazine like Savvy Times, so it makes me espe-
If he’s the type of horse who has any
cially happy when people tell me that they enjoy it. interest in his own physical well-being,

I say you have him attend a roller derby

Now then, let’s get to your questions.
Q:
bout. That’ll scare him straight pretty quickly. I’ve
attended a couple of roller derby bouts in Pagosa,

Hey Scott! My mare Milly greets other
incidentally, and each and every one of those girls

horses with her ears forward and a pretty
could literally break me in half if they chose to. As
soon as your horse sees the irst major collision – and look on her face, but once they get within

it won’t take long, since bouts appear to be made up reach her ears latten and she turns into Xena the
of one constant major collision – he’ll take his skates Warrior Princess, beating them up with her hooves.

of faster than you can say “compound fracture.” What’s her problem? - Ruth from Utah
A:
Perhaps you should direct him towards a safer hobby,
like base jumping or crocodile wrestling.
Well Ruth, I can’t say for sure what would

cause her to ly into a rage like that, so

rather than getting to the heart of the

52 | Savvy Times November 2013