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"Not when you're dragging a little kid off his bunk you're not," said Nikolai. "You're a bully when you do that."
Fly blinked. Wisely, no one else said a thing until Fly had decided how he was going to respond. "You're right, Nikolai. To defend your friend against a bully." He looked from Nikolai to Bean and back again. "Pusha, you guys even look like brothers." He walked past them, heading for his bunk. The other toon leaders followed him. Crisis over.
Nikolai looked at Bean then. "I was never as squished up and ugly as you," he said.
"And if I'm going to grow up to look like you, I'm going to kill myself now," said Bean.
"Do you have to talk to really *big* guys like that?"
"I didn't expect you to attack him like a one-man swarm of bee."
"I guess I wanted to jump on somebody," said Nikolai.
"You? Mr. Nice Guy?"
"I don't feel so nice lately." He climbed up on the bunk beside Bean, so they could talk more softly. "I'm out of my depth here, Bean. I don't belong in this army."
"What do you mean?"
"I wasn't ready to get promoted. I'm just average. Maybe not that good. And even though this army wasn't a bunch of heroes in the standings, these guys are good. Everybody learns faster than me. Everybody *gets* it and I'm still standing there thinking about it."
"So you work harder."
"I *am* working harder. You -- you just get it, right away, everything, you see it all. And it's not that I'm stupid. I always get it, too. Just ... a step behind."
"Sorry," said Bean.
"What are *you* sorry about? It's not *your* fault."
Yes it is, Nikolai. "Come on, you telling me you wish you weren't part of Ender Wiggin's army?" Nikolai laughed a little. "He's really something, isn't he?"
"You'll do your part. You're a good soldier. You'll see. When we get into the battles, you'll do as well as anybody."