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Ender almost died because of me. Because I goaded Bonzo. Because I failed to keep watch at the crucial time. Because I didn't stop and think like Bonzo and figure out that he'd wait for Ender to be alone in the shower.
If Ender had died today, it would have been my fault all over again. He wanted to kill somebody.
Couldn't be Bonzo. Bonzo was already dead.
Achilles. That's the one he needed to kill. And if Achilles had been there at that moment, Bean would have tried. Might have succeeded, too, if violent rage and desperate shame were enough to beat down any advantage of size and experience Achilles might have had. And if Achilles killed Bean anyway, it was no worse than Bean deserved, for having failed Ender Wiggin so completely.
He felt his bed bounce. Nikolai had jumped the gap between the upper bunks. "It's OK," murmured Nikolai, touching Bean's shoulder.
Bean rolled onto his back, to face Nikolai.
"Oh," said Nikolai. "I thought you were crying."
"Ender won," said Bean. "What's to cry about?"
CHAPTER 18 -- FRIEND
"This boy's death was not necessary."
"This boy's death was not foreseen."
"But it was foreseeable."
"You can always foresee things that already happened. These are children, after all. We did *not* anticipate this level of violence."
"I don't believe you. I believe that this is precisely the level of violence you anticipated. This is what you set up. You think that the experiment succeeded."
"I can't control your opinions. I can merely disagree with them.
"Ender Wiggin is ready to move on to Command School. That is my report."