Page 1480 - Enders_Game_Full_Book

him, fearing him as he created their little street family, marginalized Poke, and finally killed her. When he told them of finding Poke's body, several of them wept. Petra in particular broke down and sobbed.
It was an opportunity, and Bean seized it. Naturally, she soon fled the company of others, taking her emotions into the privacy of her quarters. As soon afterward as he could, Bean followed her.
"Bean, I don't want to talk."
"I do," said Bean. "It's something we have to talk about. For the good of the team." "Is that what we are?" she asked.
"Petra, you know the worst thing I've ever done. Achilles was dangerous, I knew it, and I still went away and left Poke alone with him. She died for it. That burns in me every day of my life. Every time I start to feel happy, I remember Poke, how I owe my life to her, how I could have saved her. Every time I love somebody, I have that fear that I'll betray them the same way I did her."
"Why are you telling me this, Bean?"
"Because you betrayed Ender and I think it's eating at you."
Her eyes flashed with rage. "I did not! And it's eating at *you*, not me!"
"Petra, whether you admit it to yourself or not, when you tried to slow Ender down in the corridor that day, there's no way you didn't know what you were doing. I've seen you in action, you're sharp, you see everything. In some ways you're the best tactical commander in the whole group. It's absolutely impossible that you didn't see how Bonzo's thugs were all there in the corridor, waiting to beat the crap out of Ender, and what did you do? You tried to slow him down, peel him off from the group."
"And you stopped me," said Petra. "So it's moot, isn't it?" "I have to know why."
"You don't have to know squat."
"Petra, we have to fight shoulder to shoulder someday. We have to be able to trust each other. I don't trust you because I don't know why you did that. And now you won't trust me because you know I don't trust *you*."
"Oh what a tangled web we weave." "What the hell does that mean?"