Page 221 - Enders_Game_Full_Book

"They didn't make it. That's all. We don't punish the ones who fail. They just -- don't go on."
"Like Bonzo."
"Bonzo?"
"He went home."
"Not like Bonzo."
"What then? What happened to them? When they failed?" "Why does it matter, Ender?"
Ender didn't answer.
"None of them failed at this point in their course, Ender. You made a mistake with Petra. She'll recover. But Petra is Petra, and you are you."
"Part of what I am is her. Is what she made me."
"You won't fail, Ender. Not this early in the course. You've had some tight ones, but you've always won. You don't know what your limits are yet, but if you've reached them already you're a good deal feebler than I thought."
"Do they die?"
"Who?"
"The ones who fail."
"No, they don't die. Good heavens, boy, you're playing games."
"I think that Bonzo died. I dreamed about it last night. I remembered the way he looked after I jammed his face with my head. I think I must have pushed his nose back into his brain. The blood was coming out of his eyes. I think he was dead right then."
"It was just a dream."
"Mazer, I don't want to keep dreaming these things. I'm afraid to sleep. I keep thinking of things that I don't want to remember. My whole life keeps playing out as if I were a recorder and someone else wanted to watch the most terrible parts of my life."