Page 371 - Enders_Game_Full_Book

"The rules must be adapted to the strength of the Filhos da Mente," the Ceifeiro explained. "No doubt there are some that can share a bed and remain celibate, but my wife is still too beautiful, and the lusts of my flesh too insistent."
"That was what San Angelo intended. He said that the marriage bed should be the constant test of your love of knowledge. He hoped that every man and woman in the order would, after a time, choose to reproduce themselves in the flesh as well as in the mind."
"But the moment we do that," said the Ceifeiro, "then we must leave the Filhos."
"It's the thing our dear San Angelo did not understand, because there was never a true monastery of the order during his life," said the Aradora. "The monastery becomes our family, and to leave it would be as painful as divorce. Once the roots go down, the plant can't come up again without great pain and tearing. So we sleep in separate beds, and we have just enough strength to remain in our beloved order."
She spoke with such contentment that quite against his will, Ender's eyes welled with tears. She saw it, blushed, looked away. "Don't weep for us, Speaker Andrew. We have far more joy than suffering."
"You misunderstand," said Ender. "My tears weren't for pity, but for beauty."
"No," said the Ceifeiro, "even the celibate priests think that our chastity in marriage is, at best, eccentric."
"But I don't," said Ender. For a moment he wanted to tell them of his long companionship with Valentine, as close and loving as a wife, and yet chaste as a sister. But the thought of her took words away from him. He sat on the Ceifeiro's bed and put his face in his hands.
"Is something wrong?" asked the Aradora. At the same time, the Ceifeiro's hand rested gently on his head.
Ender lifted his head, trying to shake off the sudden attack of love and longing for Valentine. "I'm afraid that this voyage has cost me more than any other. I left behind my sister, who traveled with me for many years. She married in Reykjavik. To me, it seems only a week or so since I left her, but I find that I miss her more than I expected. The two of you--"
"Are you telling us that you are also celibate?" asked the Ceifeiro.
"And widowed now as well," whispered the Aradora.
It did not seem at all incongruous to Ender to have his loss of Valentine put in those terms.
Jane murmured in his ear. "If this is part of some master plan of yours, Ender, I admit it's much too deep for me."