Page 186 - English - Teaching Academic Esl Writing

172 CHAPTER7
In addition to highlighting how NS writers of similar academic profi- ciency employ text features, one of the main benefits of this exercise is that it helps take away the illusions of NS writing perfection that many L2 aca- demic writers have regarding NS academic papers.
(4) Functions of the Passive Voice in Academic Writing
The goal of this activity is to help students identify the functions of passive in academic writing and develop their skills as astute users of the active and passive voices. An attendant objective is to practice revising and editing skills with tenses and passive/active constructions.
Please read thefollowing excerpt from a student assignment. Some constructions used in it contain errors that need to be corrected. In addition, some other construc- tions are grammatically correct, but they can be written better. Please (1) identify both types of structures, and (2) correct the errors; also please (3) explain whichsentences should be improved and why, and then (4) show how they can be rewritten.
As a part of our marketing assignment, we had to go to a small cheese farm where the husband and wife own it. The husband and the wife sent a letter to our marketing professor, and they requested that someone come there to an- alyze their marketing techniques to help them improve their sales. We went through their entire production chain, and we tried to figure out two things: how they can cut their costs and how they can improve their sales.
In this paper, we analyze how they can cut their costs. We found out that each cheese is poured into a container for ripening and storage. The con- tainers cost 9 cents each and the lid costs 2 cents. So, if they store the con- tainers one on top of the other than they do not need lids, and they can save 2 cents on each lid. Of course, the container on the top needs to have a lid.
Then we analyzed how they can cut their storage costs.They keep all the cheese in a huge refrigerator for ripening, and when it is ready, they take to the market. They keep the new cheese for at least two months and the aged cheese for up to 18 months. They keep the temperature between 40° and 45°. So, we performed a little calculation and figured out that if they keep the temperature at 45° instead of 40°, then they can save about a dollar a day on their electric costs.
Then we analyzed their shipping costs. We asked them to tell us how much they pay for shipping. They told us that the shipping of each cheese is costed them $2.80 because they have to ship the cheese in a spe- cial container so it does not warm up and spoil in the truck or when it is waited for the customer to come home and take it inside. Each container costs $1.20, and they have to pay $1.60 for transportation. So, we did some research, and we found out that they can find a cheaper supplier for their containers, and the new supplier will sell them the container for $1.05. We are told them that they can save 15 cents on each container if they will buy it from the new supplier we found. But they said that they
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