Page 319 - English - Teaching Academic Esl Writing

COHESION ANDCOHERENCE 305
(b) Competition |5l is much like cooperation I] because both individuals and groupsJ2l strive to achieve [7|a shared j[ goaljs). However, competition Is] is different |6| in that instead [ojof joining I with others to achieve[7] valued g o a l s [3J c o m p e t i t o r s [5| c o n t e s t j s l f o r t h e m 3 j : s o c i e t y ' s p r i z e s a r e i n l i m i t e d [6| supply, and only onelHperson or group [2]can attain 7 them. (Adapted from Thompson and Hickey, 2002).
Note: The cohesive chain of verbs 7 across the two paragraphs can be ex- pected of advanced students: achieve—achieve—achieve—attain.
(2) Identifying Missing Cohesive Ties: Recognition Practice II
In addition to identifying cohesive ties and lexical substations that are es- tablished by the author of the text, it is also helpful for students to work with text lacking in cohesion. For this practice, the teacher may choose a student text without sufficiently developed cohesion. [The texts should be written by students who are not in the class, and the author's permission must be secured to use the text for teaching purposes.] To add a level of complexity, students can also be asked to add cohesive elements to the text. It is important that texts selected for correcting contain a variety of cohesion problems/errors, including repetitive transitions, faulty parallel structures, and redundant lexis.
In pairs or small groups, students can compare their additions and re- pairs, and results can be spot checked. Students can be asked to write in or rewrite phrases and sentences in need of correction. An example of text with insufficiently developed cohesion is presented next. Some corrections are suggested in [square brackets].
Assignment topic: Please choose one (or more) historical event, individ- ual, or a group of individuals in American history that had an important in- fluence on American education. Your paper needs to explain how this event or individual influenced or changed the currents in the norms of schooling widely accepted in their time.
Since puritans arrived in America, politics, economical [economy], and other parts [aspects of the United States] have changed [Sentence 1 is not related to the rest of the text and should be deleted]. In thefieldof education, many things have occurred. [Possible introductory sentence: it requires a specific mention of what has occurred to lead to changes in education throughout American history] Many American scholars have studied American history. They have tried to find out what made education change. They state different causes about it [non-ref- erential pronoun]. They [the third use of the pronoun they—too far away from the original noun] view history from different sights [perspectives/posi- tions]. [The last four sentences are redundant, vague, and very broad—
probably should be deleted]
Some scholars argue that thepolitical and economy situations and religion [poli-
tics, economy, and religion] affect education. The content and method ofpolitical
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