Page 81 - North Star Magazine 2022

Unhealthy Attachment
by River Ashe
“I just think you’ll regret it if you shave it all off right away! Try this, and if you don’t like it come back and I’ll shave the rest of it for you.”
Sure thing, ma’am, but I have to say, this is the worst hair cut I’ve ever gotten. The top is too long, flopping down to my neck, and the sides are buzzed short. I look... well, for the first time in my life, I think I look gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I am a little bit gay and even if I wasn’t, a haircut can’t define your sexuality for you or anyone else unless you want it to.
My head feels lighter than it has since sixth grade and I swing it from side to side, feeling somehow naked and comfortably clothed. The sensation is strange but not unpleasant. I run my hands through the shaved sides, enjoying the prickling of the freshly shaved hairs on my fingertips, feeling the complete freedom I have from the huge curly mess I woke up with.
“I want you to cut the top shorter, please.”
“I’m sorry, miss, but I’m not going to do that. I still think you’re crazy for wanting all of that beautiful hair cut off in the first place.”
“I’m paying you for this haircut!”
“Yes, and I’ll give you half off because I refuse to finish it. If you come in next week and want the rest chopped off, I’ll do it.”
I can see the resentment in her eyes as she holds up the two-foot- long braid that used to be my hair. Detached from my head it looks alien, something completely foreign to me and ugly, but she holds it as if it were a discarded newborn.
“I won’t be coming back to you if I do,” I say finally. I feel free, but shame burns in my chest and throat. She hates me, she hates what I’ve done to my hair, what I made her do. By extension her hate becomes mine and I regret my choice, if only to save myself this animosity.
Back in my dorm, my roommate does a double take, reaching out to comb her harsh fingers through the mop my hair has become. The look on her face tells me immediately that she doesn’t like it and I bite my tongue.
“You said you were gonna go get a trim!”
“I decided to cut it off, it’s too hot for this weather and I’m sick of buying so much shampoo.”