Page 25 - Pierce County Lawyer Novemer December 2024

Holidays
and
Memories
By Paula Olson
Once the calendar hits October, it
starts; a slow creep of light gray
clouds that deepen until after
the New Year. The holidays are coming
and once again I won’t celebrate them
with my Mom and my older brother,
Bill. You’d think that after 10 years of
holidays without them I wouldn’t notice
their absence, but I do. Mom loved
the holidays and put enormous energy
into them. Bill, with his significant
intellectual disabilities, loved holidays
too with a twist. For example, he loved
Halloween because it was the one holiday
season that he could call Mom a witch
and get away with it. And he didn’t miss
an opportunity, each time dissolving into
peals of laughter.
Setting the menu for Thanksgiving
always called for long discussions and
intense negotiations with Mom. At the
end, it was the same menu as it had
been for past eons because tradition
must be honored. One year, I had the
devil in me and I made a sweet potato
pie instead of pumpkin. The family was
horrified and Mom shook her head in
utter amazement that I would violate the
sacred trust. I never did any such thing
again. Dividing up who cooked what also
called for weeks of ongoing discussion.
As Mom got older, my list of what I made
got longer until I pretty much made the
entire meal. It was best for all concerned
however. The last time Mom tried to
bake a pumpkin pie involved countless
phone calls wondering why it didn’t seem
to get thick. Being 50 miles away made it
difficult for me to look into her oven and
opine on what was missing. After a few
hours in the oven and no thicker than
when it first went in, we agreed to call it
a day and let me bake it.
Christmas had more of those Moments
that can only be filled by Mom and Bill.
My family had a strict Christmas agenda
with no deviations. Gift exchange took
place after church on Christmas Eve,
which was mandatory if you wanted a
gift. At home, everything Christmas was
blessed, prayed over, and celebrated for
the birth of Jesus. Santa Claus did not
exist and gifts were given by the person
who bought them. Bill was extremely
particular about what gifts he accepted.
If he asked for a red vest, nothing, and
I mean nothing could be substituted.
Burgundy is not the same color as red.
Period. Being someone who freely
expressed his feelings, if it wasn’t red and
it wasn’t a vest, you got it back in your
lap as soon as it was out of the box. “Take
it back!” demanded Bill. But if you did
produce a red vest, he was reduced to
happy tears and you were a hero.
At the time, some of that holiday stuff
was annoying, frustrating, and grated
on my nerves. But I’d give anything to
celebrate with them again. As much as I
love my sons and their ladies and their
families, it’s just not the same. Today,
I can bake a lemon meringue pie if I
want for Thanksgiving. Christmas gift
exchange has little drama. Everyone
knows pretty much what gift cards they
are getting. Church is something I do
with my church friends, not my family.
And I might be alone on the holidays as
I would never visit the pain of making
my sons eat two big holiday meals just to
keep me company.
I know I share my experience of lost
loved ones with many people and we all
deal with it in different ways. I try not
to be sucked into the gray skies. I focus
on the new members of the family and
try to adapt to their traditions. I throw
myself into buying enough Halloween
candy for the few trick-or-treaters that
we get and putting up decorations. I can
volunteer to serve Thanksgiving dinner
to the homeless if everyone else has plans
that don’t really include me. Popcorn
at the movies is a great substitute for
turkey! And there are countless ways
that I can celebrate Christmas that gives
me joy and peace. I always get a tree and
decorate it with ornaments from Mom
and Bill and put up all of Mom’s beloved
nutcrackers. I know that they are in my
heart and I can almost see Bill’s smile.
I wish everyone celebrating without
loved ones happy memories, peace and
knowledge that the last thing our loved
ones would want is crying during the
holidays because of their absence.
Paula Olson practices federal criminal defense,
GAL for SVP folks, and also is working on a
couple of Guardian/Conservator cases. She is a
member of Lakewood Rotary and works at St.
Leo’s with people experiencing homelessness.
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