Page 37 - BRAVO3_ISSUE1_MAY_JUN_2018

IwasnoChaplainorcounselor,soIdidn’tknowthewordstosay.Ijustlistened.Itseemedlikeheneeded tolettheboygo,toputtheboyinhisminddownlikehedidwiththeactualboyinthatschoolyardin Afghanistan.Iaskedhim ifheevermournedtheboy.Hesaidthathehadnotandaskedmehow hecould. Afteral,hehadn’tevenknowntheboy.Hehadonlyspentthelastfewmomentsoftheboy’slifewithhim. ButwhatdidmaterwasthattheboywouldbewithWildefortherestofhislife.Evenifhedidmournhim or foundsomeotherwaytolethim go,theboywouldalwaysbethere.
AfterWildetoldmethatstoryIpickedupthatchildtoo.Icouldneverfulyrelatetowhathehadbeen through,yetwhenWildetoldmethatstoryheputsomeofitdown.Itreleasedsomeofhisburden.Ichose topickupthatburden,andIstasheditawaywithmanyotherstoriesthatIhadbeentold.Iam verythankful thatnothinglikeWilde’sstoryeverhappentome,butnow,thereisrarelyadaythatgoesbythatIdon’tthink aboutthatboywithoutaname.
TheywereonlylitlebitsandpiecesofstoriesthatIheldonto,butovertheyearstheburdenhasgoten heavierandheavier.Itisnothardtocarythesethings.TheyhavenumbedmysoultoapointthatIdon’t wanttolisten.Morecorectly,Ican’tlistenorfeelformyfriendsormyfamilylikeIdidinthepast.Wealhad toduloursensestothingsthatwesawinwar.Althewasteandhurtandfatigueandinjusticethatwasmuch moreevidentthanatanyothertimeinourlives.Wedidn'trealizethatwewouldbringthatnumbnessthatwe usedasadefense,backhomewithus.
Thisisthedanger
ofbeinghuman.
Wearefragile.
Nomaterwhatwechoosetodowithourliveswewilgethurtandwewilhurtothers.Buttherearesome livesthataremorevulnerabletothesesensitivities.Insteadofacceptingwhatcomesourway,embracing life,weputupthisshel,thiswal,andweputalofourefortsintothesedefenses.Webuildtheselitle structuresthatwetrytohouseourselvesin,untilthatdaywhensomethingpenetratesitandourstructure comescrashingdownaroundus.Wetakethesepiecesandtrytoputthem backtogetherexactlyasthey werebefore,butthatisjustfutilework,soweeventualyjustpiletherubbleupalaroundusandatemptto liveourlives.
Ihaveseenthishappentomyfriendsoverandoveragain.AndtherehavebeenmonthsatatimethatI havedoneittomyself.Butwiththehelpofmyfamilyandfriends,theprayersofthosethatcareaboutme andmyrelationshipwithJesus,Ihavebeenabletosortthroughtherubbleandfindthebeautyofwhatwas left.Ihavecolecteditandorganizedwhatonceseemedtomelikebrokenshardsandtrashandcreateda lifethatIwanttolive.SomedaysIfeelasthoughIhavehurtothersthroughthisprocessmorethanithas benefitedme.Nevertheless,wehavecreatedsomethingthatisuseful,andeventhoughitmightnotbe
p
ty,itisnotadefenseanditisopenanditisvulnerableanditislife.
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re
et
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Ihaven’tseenWildesincethatdeployment.Ourhomestationsareonoppositesidesofthecountryandwe haveneverrunintoeachotherwhiletraining,soIdon’tknowhowheisrealydoing.However,wearefriends onFaceBook,soIknowthemajorlifechangesthatheshareswithhis“friends.”
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