Page 14 - Sonoma County Gazette January 2016

On Being Grateful . . . In Spite of it All
By Katy Byrne
I’m not big on holidays or subjects like gratitude, but I recently learned a lot
And there was the wild guy about age 80, wearing his blue robe only in the front, leaving his bare behind for all to see as he skedaddled back and forth to the bathroom. When I told him he had a nice butt, he beamed. He was a part of a long list of people who offered helpful words or deeds.
about goodness and greed in people while visiting my brother in a nursing home in Southern California.
Arriving in San Diego, I met people who were either uptight or kind. I saw this clearly when halfway through the trip my money ran out. Instead of paying $20 on a taxi, I decided to walk from the hotel to my brother’s skilled nursing facility. Utterly exhausted after walking for miles, I stood at a grocery store asking people for a ride. Not being used to this lifestyle, I was shocked at how frightened and begrudging people seemed as they bowed their heads and said “no.” I felt like a suspicious person carrying a big black back pack. It’s a pretty vulnerable feeling asking people for a lift. I don’t recommend it.
In the taxi to the airport, I told the driver about my hitchhiking experience. “You must promise me you will never do that again,” he demanded, “I will pick you up every time for free. Please promise me.”
I got at least ten ornery rejections and felt like a fragile kid at a dance. Finally, seeing an older woman, short and bent over, lugging her groceries to her car, I shyly teetered towards her. “Are you going towards the hospital?” The pause seemed to last forever. She whispered, “Yes.” As we rode along in her tattered jalopy, I told her how touched I was that she was the only one who offered to pick me up. Suddenly with a bold voice she said, “I’m 85 and know the way to the hospital well. I have colon cancer.” I asked, without thinking: “Do you want to live?” She loudly responded: “Oh yes. My husband’s gone, but I love life.”
Arriving at the airport, I was so moved by the generosity shown to me all through the trip that I was full up with love and just wanted to help others.
I ended up chasing fatigued dog owners around the baggage claim as their dogs cowered uncomfortably in carriages. I insisted on walking one woman’s dog in circles as he almost raised his leg, but never did. And I met a blind man with a companion dog looking so tired that I asked if his dog needed anything. Painstakingly he removed the old dog’s harness and with frail voice whispered, “I think he needs to go, but he’s confused here.” I was so full of this newfound energy that determination flooded me, as if from something beyond myself. I declared: “Don’t worry, the dog will go.” Sure enough, the pooch and I found a fire hydrant right outside the door. And so he did.
Back at the nursing home, I met his constant guide, the social worker and one of my brother’s nurses, who had with three kids and two caregiving jobs. She so slowly and patiently chopped my brother’s food into the tiniest bits
so he wouldn’t choke on them. As if hypnotized, I stared at her movements. With such calm she moved the fork back and forth, obviously tired from a long week. I asked, “Do you like your work?” “I love it,” she smiled a huge grin.
What I learned on this trip is that there are good people and not so nice people. How can this world have so much greed and so much goodness at
the same time? The generous ones humbled me. I noticed that as each caring person offered support, I wanted to give more of myself. My tank was full. But this holiday season, while expecting sadness and lost memories, I felt gratitude, deep in my gut.
Katy Byrne is a psychotherapist, editor and animal lover living in Sonoma, 707-548-8982, katybyrne@aol.com.
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