Page 10 - SoCoGazette Small Shops 2019.indd

Gift-giving for Kids:
By Amie Windsor Don’t Try SO Hard
Gift-giving before I became a parent was easy and cheap.
I’d throw down $10 for a Secret Santa gift at work, $25 for food at the friend holiday party, too much on my significant other and then I’d “forget to send” my parents their presents until they came to visit for my birthday in April.
It was even easier and cheaper as a kid. During the holidays, my mom would buy presents from my brother, sister and me and give them to us, as though we bought gifts for each other. “Oh hey sis, thanks for the outfit that perfectly matches the outfit I got you,” I remember telling my older sister one year.
My mom admitted it was a huge mistake on her part. “I remember taking you shopping one-on-one and that worked well,” she told me by text. “But then we got busier and busier and I would just buy the
presents for you.”
My mom’s right: gift-giving takes time and it becomes the worst when it morphs into an obligation or chore -- as in, “Ah crap tomorrow is the last day before break and we didn’t get anything for the teachers...but wait!? Isn’t
there an email from So-and-so’s mom about collecting money for a massage or a trip to
Bali?” Nobody needs or wants that kind of
stress. And while yes, our teachers definitely deserve a trip to Bali, that kind of behind-the- scenes Venmo dealing doesn’t really teach my
kids how to show true appreciation for the time, energy, kindness, humor, and patience their teachers have showered upon them.
Amie with her Daughters Instead, it portrays to my kids the exact opposite of what
their teachers gave them: they see mom and dad freaking out during the morning routine, fiddling around on their devices, talking hushedly about money, yelling at the youngest that “NO WE ARE NOT GOING TO WATCH FROZEN 2 so please PUT your shoes ON!” -- only to have the whole effort implode with the classic mom call: “Forget IT! WE’RE GOING TO BE
LATE!” We dropped the youngest off at daycare. Her thoughts had long dropped Elsa and Anna. My five-year-old, however, was brooding. Eyebrows furrowed, lip slurping in and out of the gap where her two front teeth used to be, she finally spoke. “But Mommy?” she asked as we pulled into the school driveway, “What are we going to get my teachers?” I turned around and looked at her. With a few minutes before school, she unbuckled herself and scrambled to the front seat pulling out the green cloth from the glove compartment. It has been a habit of hers to tidy up while we chit-chat.
“Yuck mom, this car is DEEscusting.” She’s not wrong. It’s been a solid two weeks since we’ve evacuated due to the Kincade Fire and we still haven’t cleaned the car out entirely. Spilled contents include half a bottle’s worth of nutritional yeast, scone crumbles, spilled latte, moss, an old scented tree, gum wrappers, and unmatched socks. “I think a good present for you would be a clean car,” she said out of the blue. “Because you drive the car and you can’t keep it clean ever and it’s gross to be in a dirty car. And daddy always says how smelly the car is. So maybe that’s a good present for my teachers too.” “You think your teachers would like clean cars?” I prodded. “Well yeah. All they do is go to school and go home and the grocery store. And like, they probably drink coffee all the time like you and so they could use a good car clean. Then when they go to the beach next time they don’t have to wait for 500 hours before they get to go. They can just go.”
She was onto something. I smiled knowing she was catching onto the idea that a gift can be more than just a present bought at the store. That a gift can be an act of kindness, love, patience, energy and time. And that rather than a burden, a gift is an opportunity to tell someone, “I notice how you treat me every day and it makes me feel joyous and loved. I wanted to make you feel that same way with this gift.” “Look!.” She throws the dust-filled cloth at my face. “There’s my friend! Let’s go!”
Maybe I should clean the car more often.
10 - www.sonomacountygazette.com - 12/19 SS