Page 26 - Sonoma County Gazette January 2017

MARKETING 101 Words Change Perceptions
Recovering Equilibrium in the Time of Trump
By Elizabeth Slater
The words we use when selling our goods or services are as important as
sense of dread fell over me. Sebastopol, my home of seventeen years, felt for the rst time treacherous. My psychotherapy clients, friends, and family have had similar reactions. Some can no longer bear looking at the news. Others can’t stop looking.
the products themselves. Using the wrong words may change the perceptions of potential customers leading them to leave your business empty-handed, whereas if the right words had been used, these same customers would have been happy to buy.
In my private practice I work with adults using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). It’s a specialized therapy developed in the late 1980s to help people with trauma histories. From that perspective, here’s how I understand how we’ve lost our equilibrium, and how we might be able to regain it.
We all know that a pleasant greeting, a sincere smile and an open and friendly demeanor helps tremendously to put customers in the purchasing frame of mind. These things are as important as they ever were so be aware of how you are greeting people. I am fascinated by the realization of how many times I walk into a store, a business or even a doctor’s o ce, and nd that a stern faced person, one who doesn’t look as though s/he is happy to help me, greets me. If at all possible, I leave. So keep smiling.
The theory behind trauma treatment is that circumstances in the present remind us of dangerous situations from the past. When these memories are activated, the body assumes we are once again in danger, and reacts to the threat with the ght/ ight/freeze response.
However, so many of the words twe use in our everyday language not only don’t in uence a positive reaction, but also can create a negative reaction in the customers. Let’s start with some of the simplest examples of words we shouldn’t say and words we should...
Unlike other animals, humans can review the present situation to see if it is actually dangerous. We humans can also launch more complex defenses than baring teeth, running away, or going limp. But sometimes the triggering is so intense that we are unable to examine the facts or to mobilize a plan. We are stuck sickeningly on guard.
1. AND rather than BUT... The word and continues the conversation. When you say and the customer will expect to learn more information that will bene t them, which may make them listen more closely, whereas the word “but” is more likely to be thought of as being followed by a negative. Think of it as “and” continues a conversation while “but” may stop it.
One dominant set of traumatic memories awakened by Trump are about bullying. The dread I feel today is just like the dread I felt walking alone to elementary school, knowing the school bully was waiting for me along the path. For my wife, her childhood memories of two bullying fathers, the rst a sexual predator, have come alive.
Example: We have the item you want and (more good news) in the color you want. Providing a positive outcome. Telling a customer, “We have the item you want but not in the color you want.” Provides a negative outcome.
Trump threatens to put his opponents in jail. He threatens millions of not-yet- citizens with deportation. He threatens entire nations with nuclear annihilation. Trump’s body language and menacing speech resonate with any one of us who has been bullied.
When you nd that you can’t meet the customer’s needs immediately, turn the sentence around to make it more positive. “We have the item you want and will have it in stock by Wednesday (or)...can order it for you today.
Trump is also a self-declared sexual predator. We’ve heard reports of sexual assault to girls as young as thirteen. Whether or not these reports are accurate, they are reminders of how men historically have gotten away with horrendous behavior, some of it upon our own bodies.
2. Because... One of the most powerful words in sales is the word because. It is very persuasive. Example: You should buy that sweater because that color really suits you. When you use the word because you are answering
the question, which on every consumer’s mind (either consciously or subconsciously), “What’s in it for me.”
3. Thank You, rather than No Problem... It has become ubiquitous these days in answer to the words Thank You to say No problem. This is not a good habit to get into. Practice saying, you’re welcome or I am pleased that I could help, or anything else positive. After all why should a customer thanking a salesperson for service, encourage the salesperson to respond with, No problem as if it were possible that there might have been a problem when none existed.
4. I don’t know... is a phrase that shouldn’t be used unless it is followed up by, “I will nd out for you,” or “that’s a good question let me check.” If you don’t know, it’s your job to nd out and get back to the customer. It’s also a great way to get an email address or cell phone number so you may email or text to give them the answer.
5. Honestly/Trust Me... When you say honestly in the middle of a conversation your customer may come to the conclusion that the things you have already said to them were not necessarily the truth. This word may hurt your credibility. Trust me is in the same category as honestly in that it raises doubts in the mind of the customer.
6. Perhaps/Maybe... These are words that can show lack of con dence and harks back to I don’t know. If, as a salesperson, you have said perhaps or maybe to more than one customer, it’s time to nd out what they answer is.
When the nervous system gets activated, it can feel as if prior attacks are happening right now. The purpose of trauma therapy is to calm down the nervous system enough to examine the memories that are triggering these intense emotions. Though there may be similarities between what happened in the past and what we see happening now, the situations are often quite di erent.
7. You chose a good day... Compliment a customer on his/her good sense in coming in. If you happen to be having a sale that day, let your customers know that buying today will be to their bene t. It’s a good thing to say at the beginning of the interaction, as it gives them time to assess the bene ts of buying today rather than next week.
To nd a therapist who accepts your insurance, you can run a search at psychologytoday.com. If you don’t nd what you’re looking for you can call your insurance directly. MediCal members should call Beacon Health Strategies at (855) 765-9703.
There are many more words that are good or bad to use in a sales situation. If you would like a longer list please drop me an email : E@inshortmarketing.com
One thing that helped my wife and me begin to separate past from present was booking ights to DC for the Women’s March on Washington, scheduled for the day after inauguration. (Local gatherings on that day can be found at womensmarchbayarea.org.) Surrounded by a million like-minded people, we hope to fully appreciate the breadth of our current resources, to let the bullies of the past go, and to face today’s bully with everything we’ve got.
Elizabeth Slater: In Short Direct Marketing E@inshortmarketing.com 707.953.1289
Facebook: facebook.com/inshortdirectmarketing/ Blog: inshortdirectmarketing.wordpress.com/.
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You can learn more about EMDR on andyweissko .com, or on the website of the EMDR International Association, EMDRIA.org. You can also read an insider account of EMDR treatment in my wife Carol E. Miller’s 2016 memoir Every Moment of a Fall, available at Copper eld’s and through the library.
By Andy Weissko , LCSW
The morning after Trump’s election a
Various therapies, including EMDR, help clients identify these di erences, especially the di erences between current and past resources. For example, as children, if our parents didn’t defend us or were the perpetrators of abuse, we may have developed an enduring belief that we are helpless in the face of bullying. But as adults we have adult resources — physical strength, friends, the law — to name a few.
Often one or two sessions of EMDR can help soothe the central nervous system enough to allow this examination of current versus past resources. For people addressing childhood trauma for the rst time, therapy takes longer. But EMDR is notorious for being the quickest route to recovery.
These days, all health insurances must provide mental health care including psychotherapy. There are many EMDR therapists in Sonoma County, ones who accept a variety of health insurances including MediCal. More people are eligible for MediCal, and MediCal provides more and better coverage than ever before.