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other worlds. Perhaps it was something more prosaic. And then the memory came back to me:
I saw myself when very young, sitting under the branches of the willow tree in our garden in Cambridge. I’d spend hours hiding there. I may not have been a happy child, but during the time I spent under the willow tree, I felt a similar contentment to lying here with Gabriel. And now it was as if the past and the present were coexisting simultaneously in one perfect moment. I wanted that moment to last forever. Gabriel fell asleep, and I sketched him, trying to capture the dappled sunlight on his face. I did a better job with his eyes this time. It was easier because they were closed—but at least I got their shape right. He looked like a little boy, curled up asleep and breathing gently, crumbs around his mouth.
We finished the picnic, went home, and had sex. And Gabriel held me in his arms and said something astonishing:
“Alicia, darling, listen. There’s something on my mind I want to talk to you about.”
The way he said it made me instantly nervous. I braced myself, fearing the worst. “Go on.”
“I want us to have a baby.”
It took me a moment to speak. I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to say.
“But—you didn’t want any children. You said—”
“Forget that. I changed my mind. I want us to have a child together. Well? What do you say?”
Gabriel looked at me hopefully, expectantly, waiting for my response. I felt my eyes welling up with tears. “Yes,” I said, “yes, yes, yes...”
We hugged each other and cried and laughed.
He’s in bed now, asleep. I had to sneak away and write all this down—I want to remember this day for the rest of my life. Every single second of it.
I feel joyous. I feel full of hope.