Page 59 - Spring 2021

showed Nathaniel the power of imagination. Dustan had Nathaniel close and then open his eyes. “Remember my face,” he told him. The two repeated the process until the boy happily exclaimed that he could picture Dustan’s face with his eyes closed.
The Barkers were simultaneously challenged with helping Nathaniel work through his trauma. In that respect, their struggle is a similar one as with many other foster and adoptive parents.
Nathaniel came to them with reactive attachment disorder (RAD), a prevalent condition among fostered, adopted or otherwise displaced children.
“I think for me it was very eye opening, because you always hear there’s tons of kids to foster and adopt,” Holly said. “What we found is how difficult it can be because of something like reactive attachment. They have had no safety, so they don’t come and ask for help with things.”
One of the big lessons Dustan and Holly learned is discerning the difference between somebody’s character and somebody’s symptoms when it comes to mental health.
“You have somebody who does something over and over, and you want to attribute it to their character, but it’s actually just a cry for help,” Dustan said. “It’s a symptom of trauma they’ve had along the way. So learning to parent for that type of child has stretched us not even as parents, but as human beings. “
Four months after Nathaniel came to live with them, the
Barkers discovered Acceptance Recovery Center when Holly met the center’s CEO and founder, Brandy Anderson.
Since she had event planning experience, Holly was plugged into planning ARC-GA’s annual awareness fundraiser. Then in April 2018, she was asked to be on the organization’s board of directors. She also put her talents to work when ARC-GA was unveiling its new women center in 2019.
“It’s been a big honor and like medicine to my heart,” she said. “I wondered if it would be hard watching people that reminded me of my brother and watch them succeed, knowing my brother didn’t. But it’s been medicine.”
Now 12 years old, Nathaniel is completing his sixth grade year remotely, and he will attend Malcom Bridge Middle School next year.
At first anxious and fearful four years ago, Nathaniel now wears a big, genuine smile. He likes to laugh and inspire others to laugh. When he was younger, getting Nathaniel to read a book, unless it had pictures, was an arduous endeavor. However, Dustan and Holly’s habit of reading to Nathaniel before bed seems to have provoked his literary curiosity.
“After that, he became a voracious reader,” Dustan said. “He’s more than made up for it, because he’s constantly reading one book after the other.”
Holly added, “He probably has a bigger library than we have.”
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SPRING 2021 | OCONEE THE MAGAZINE | PAGE 57