Page 40 - The Final Exam Book - NO GRID 25:03:24

Sam
At the tender age of 18, a time when many bask in the vibrancy of youth and paint their aspirations with every hue imaginable, I was confronted with a starkly di!erent reality. I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a severe mental condition that left me ensnared in its grip, struggling to break free from the terrifying nightmares that haunted me.
The symptoms crept up on me insidiously, manifesting as fatigue and anxiety. Night after night, I was tormented by relentless nightmares where faceless strangers pursued me, and I found myself trapped in an endless chase with no exit in sight. These dreams triggered panic attacks, leaving me drenched in sweat and feeling hollow inside upon waking.
My mind became a battleground for fears and worries. I would "nd myself breaking down in tears for hours on end, every few days, without any apparent trigger. The #ashbacks were frequent and intense, propelling me back into the throes of my nightmares.
It was then that I sought the help of a psychiatrist and received my PTSD diagnosis, likely a result of my mounting anxieties. Among these was the stress of repeated rejections of my visa application to study abroad. The COVID-19 pandemic compounded my distress, as I was unable to return home for additional medication and uncertain about how to reach a local psychiatrist should my prescriptions run out.
The situation reached a breaking point when I found myself stranded in Singapore, my student visa expired, and my applications for extension repeatedly denied. The bureaucratic maze, with its ever- changing protocols between my home country and Singapore, led to a tiresome cycle of visits to various o$ces in a desperate bid to remain legally in the country.
Amidst swirling rumours of unavailable #ights home and a lack of support from my school, the fear of the unknown sent me spiralling into a meltdown, exacerbating my PTSD. I felt utterly alone and recognised the dire need for help.
In an act of courage, I consulted a psychiatrist in Singapore who prescribed medication to help me sleep and stave o! the nightmares and #ashbacks. I had hoped that this medical evidence would aid in securing my visa extension, but it only resulted in a few extra days. This setback plunged me into a deeper despair.
Overwhelmed by my worsening condition and feeling trapped, I attempted to take my own life by overdosing on my medication. I was found unconscious and rushed to the hospital, where I was told
upon awakening that my survival had been a coin toss between life and death.
This wasn't my "rst brush with suicide. Previously, I had in#icted bruises and scars upon myself, contemplated jumping from a rooftop, and even sliced my wrist with a kitchen knife. Each time, I was trying to escape a life that felt devoid of meaning.
Now, as I navigate the path to recovery from PTSD, I've slowly begun to regain con"dence in myself. It's been a complex and arduous journey, but I've emerged alive.
How did I manage to pull through? Firstly, it was the instinct for self- preservation that led me to seek support. I was fortunate to "nd a counsellorwho, along with their team, provided unwavering support and encouragement. They advocated for me, accompanying me to appointments and ensuring I was never alone. After my last suicide attempt, I was placed under round-the-clock informal supervision to guarantee my safety. Secondly, my sister's constant long-distance calls from the US were a lifeline of love and support. Despite the physical distance imposed by the pandemic, her voice was a beacon of hope that helped guide me out of the darkness. Lastly, a kind individual who has become my best friend played a crucial role in my recovery. She accompanied me on simple outings, helping me to reintegrate into society and overcome my isolation. Her companionship made me feel secure and emboldened me to engage with the world again.
Today, I treasure every moment of life, embracing my goals and dreams, and I am profoundly grateful for the support of my family and friends. To anyone reading this, remember that hope is the recognition of light amidst the darkness. Within every doubt lies a promise, and within every loss, an opportunity awaits discovery. If there's one thought to hold onto during your darkest nights, let it be this: when you look back on these times, you'll see not despair, but magic. You are the keeper of your dreams—never let them slip through your fingers.
“A battleground for fears and worries...I felt utterly alone... my survival had been a coin toss between life and death... trying to escape a life that felt devoid of meaning”