Page 14 - Autumn 15

MDF – more ‘ramblings’ by Guy Mewha-Williams, Wales
That’s an intriguing title, I hear you say, and no, this isn’t a bizarre DIY article in the middle of your favourite homoeopathic magazine. It is at this point that you may have realised that this is yet another item from the rambler. We’re not talking about those healthy types kitted out with sensible shoes, anoraks and walking sticks and boldly trekking over hill and dale. Instead you may have to put up with the usual meanderings you get from this stable. My motto in life has always been: why use ten words, when you can use a hundred. Okay I do suffer from brevity issues but an article saying “A 9 volt battery nearly exploded in my pocket, end of story” wouldn’t have kept your interest much would it? Or, am I deluding myself...again!
We will begin with a little homoeopathy. What do Lachesis, Stramonium, Sepia, Glonoinum, and Strychninum have in common? By the way, if you have guessed this already, then you are obviously too good a homoeopath for your own good and just remember the old
Arsenicum Album out, I suppose, but in the middle of the night my brain does not function that well. In fact, it’s getting a bit dodgy during the daytime as well these days. A sign of advancing years, I suspect. Consequently, by the time I staggered into work I was not in the best of shape.
What confronted me next, at least brought some jollity to the proceedings and made me aware of the pickle, some animals manage to get themselves in. I was pre-warned by my partner who, between laughter and wiping the tears from his eye, informed me of the predicament of the first patient of the day. I walked into the consulting room to find the cat and owners. This was no ordinary cat (and no, it wasn’t an M&S cat) but an MDF cat! The feline beastie was flanked by his owners, each supporting the edge of a large worktop with three holes drilled in it, through one of which this, obviously highly intelligent, cat, had managed to prize his head. It seemed quite a
action again and the answer was KY jelly. It is at this point that I should point out that this article is not going down the same, less than salubrious, tone of the last. Armed with my new tube of the gel I piped it over the cat’s head. It was like the “Great British Bake-off” with a difference. With lubrication in situ I was able to push the head through, but still it was far from easy. How on earth that kitty managed to jam his head through in the first place is a mystery. The owners were, of course, suitably impressed especially as I hadn’t trashed their worktop.
And, whilst on the subject of jammed heads, I do recall a telephone call from Cheltenham fire brigade about thirty years ago asking me to attend a puppy in distress. Swiftly I got in my car to visit the fire depot. I pushed my way though a mixture of firemen, policemen and members of the press to find the pup plus owner at the centre of the throng. This animal had managed to squash his head through the centre of a car wheel. It seems, all and sundry
saying, “Nobody likes a clever dick”. I won’t burden you with the answer and there is a picture, which gives you a clue. I have asked our illustrious editor to separate it from the rest of the article, in case it gives the game away too early [see page 8]. The answer may become a bit clearer as you trawl through the article.
So let’s start somewhere near the beginning. It had been a bad night. I had to get up several times in the very early morning to put the dog out, as he was obviously having some digestive problems. He was keeping me awake for a start with incessant borborygmi. For those of you who can’t remember, what this means, I suggest you save yourself some money this year and not pay your RCVS subs. Anyway, the situation probably wasn’t helped by the fact that he was sat on the bed squelching away. Yes, I admit it, Mr Cheeks kips on the bed. Thankfully he only weighs 2.4 kg and I haven’t managed to roll on him yet despite the fact, he is well over 12 years old. I could have got the
long time before I could compose myself and get on with the job in hand. I admitted the cat and kitchenware and decided that some sedation was required in order to extricate the head. Some ten minutes later, the non- homoeopathic Domitor had done its job and we had a flat cat. However, despite this degree of sedation, I could not separate cat and MDF. It was at this point that plan B nervously entered my head: where was the practice chain saw? Some of you are probably thinking: “Why has his practice got a chain saw?” Well, I won’t go into all the ins and outs of the situation because, as you know, I’m not one for rambling! Suffice it to say that, as a general rule, it is not part of the usual operating kit. For a start, we couldn’t get it in the autoclave. Just kidding, honest. I was now becoming a bit apprehensive. There was now a real chance, I would have to cut the wood somehow to get the cat’s head out. Fortunately my highly trained professional brain decided to kick back into
had been trying to poke his head back through but without success. Xylazine came to the rescue, and fifteen minutes later the dog was freed. The headlines in the local paper the next day reported on, how our brave fireman struggled to save the pup and there were a couple of before and after pictures too. There was a long article describing all their attempts and then there, at the end, was a one liner saying “A local vet managed to free the puppy”. No mention of my name or anything was made – didn’t even get paid! Now I am not a bitter person, and this only happened a mere thirty years ago. A dose of Staphiagria might help, perhaps.
Back to the homeopathic poser: what is the link between the remedies? NECK – constriction of throat. I suspect, if I had given any of the remedies to the cat or puppy it wouldn’t have worked. Something to do with the “Obstacle to Cure” rule, I believe.
Raw Feeding Veterinary Society Conference
London, 21 November 2015
Following the three times over-subscribed inaugural conference near Chippenham in March this year, the RFVS is organising something similar, if bigger, in a London Hotel the 21 November this year. Two conferences in one year! Unprecedented, but so is the interest in raw food, natural feeding and why processed foods high in soluble carbohydrate are so detrimental. See our speaker/lecture line-up below.
The venue is the Kensington Close Hotel, London W8 5SP. Special rates are available there, but we’ve been told much cheaper (£40- 50/night?) is available close by. We’ve chosen the 21 November as it’s the day after the
London Vet Show. Kensington Close is 1.2 miles from Olympia.
All vets and vet nurses are welcome. Cost is £100 including lunch and refreshments.
Speakers we’ve secured so far:
Dr. Chris Furley, UK. Specialist in Zoo and Wildlife Medicine.
How to Feed a Carnivore
Dr. Lyn Thomson BVSC, DipHom and Assoc.Member of ACNEM (Australasian College of Nutritional and Environmental Medicine), New Zealand. Veterinary Founder and Director of Raw Essentials: Eight Pioneering Raw Food Stores in the North Island of New Zeeland.
2 sessions: Raw Feeding in New Zeeland (and the world) AND Raw Food Therapeutics.
Anna Hielm-Björkman, DVM, PhD, CVA (IVAS), Finland. Assistant Professor (Osteoarthritis research and treatment, Chronic pain evaluation and treatment, Canine nutrition, Complementary veterinary medicine). Raw Food – Current and Future Research
Dr Isla Fishburn, UK. Kachina Canine Communication PhD, MBiolSci, BSc, INTODogs, Dog Welfare Alliance Panel Expert. How Wolves Feed in the Wild: Part II
Jonathan Self, UK. Author and Journalist, Co- founder of Honey’s Raw Dog Food. Reflections on the Raw Food Industry in 2015
12