Page 18 - Florida Sentinel 9-24-21

Health
Most would say communi- cation is key to a healthy rela- tionship. However, not all communication supports a healthy relationship. There are some communication habits that make matters worse.
Relationships don’t usually end because of the challenges. They end because of our re- sponses to those challenges. Does your response support the growth of a relationship or its failure? If your communica- tion style is listed below, you’re probably supporting its failure.
Passive Aggression
You ever met someone who says “yes” when you both know they really mean “no”? Or you ask them an open-ended ques-
tion and they respond with “ok.” Maybe they don’t even re- spond at all. These are all ex- amples of passive-aggressive behavior.
Your partner could be pas- sive-aggressive because they fear speaking up. On the other hand, they could be passive-ag- gressive in order to punish you.
Either way, passive-aggres- siveness ruins relationships as it rarely leads to finding a solu- tion to the challenges your re- lationship is experiencing.
Finger Pointing
When you find yourself list- ing things your partner does wrong, you’re probably finger- pointing. Remember, you can’t punish another adult. No one wants to feel like they’re in a re- lationship with a parent. Avoid attaching your partner to the action. Though they might have done something disap- pointing, it’s not necessarily
who they are.
Instead of saying “You’re a
horrible listener.” Say “When you don’t remember our con- versations, I feel like you’re not listening to me”
One puts your partner in a position to defend themselves. The other gives them an oppor- tunity to engage.
Ignoring Love Languages
According to Gary Chap- man’s best-seller, The Five Love Languages, everyone re- ceives love in at least 1 of 5 ways.
1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Learn your partner’s love language while sharing yours at the beginning of a relationship.
When you want to show your partner how valuable they are, you communicate using their love language.
On the other hand, if you ignore their love language, they might start to believe you don’t value them. Don’t guess. Don’t assume. Learn their love lan- guage and use the information to show them how important they are to you.
Seeking To Teach Instead Of Learn
When your partner disap- points you, you might find yourself trying to teach them to do better. However, you have to remember you’re dealing with another adult that you do not have ownership of. Seek to learn why your partner makes the decisions he or she makes.
The goal is not to change someone to fit your ideal rela- tionship. The goal is to have a healthy relationship where you and your partner feel free to be your true self.
Bringing Up The Past
Accept it. Everyone will dis- appoint you at some point in life. Healthy relationships are not composed of perfect people but are composed of imperfect people who accept each other’s imperfections. Imagine having a job with a manager that con- tinually brings up the one time you were late 3 years ago.
You’d likely be less produc- tive and happy with the job. When you move on from chal- lenges in your relationship, ac- tually move on. Make your partner feel like you believe in their ability to get it right this time.
Did you see yourself in any of the above? The good news is, it’s never too late to learn more productive ways to communi- cate with your partner. Just make sure you invest real time and effort to work on your skills.
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