Page 15 - Issue 2

Issue No 2 15
River Coupwood might not have had the the the the the language for it but they they they they always knew they they they they weren’t a a a a a a a a a a girl By the the the the the the the time they they they they were were were four or five they they they they were were were already telling their parents things like “I don’t want to have boobs when when I I grow up ” And when when their their teacher in in school would call out out their their birth-given name it it didn’t feel right “It wasn’t even a a a a a a a coming coming out out it it was was just a a a a a a a becoming ” they tell DoubleBlind of discovering their gender identity “I just became more more and and more more myself myself and and it it fit was clear that ‘myself’ did not fit in the box marked ‘female ’”
As is common among LGBTQIA+ youth alongside Coupwood’s evolution they they struggled with depression and and anxiety Even though they they went on on on to study psychology and and human rights (“basically well-being at at at a a a a a a a a a a legislative level”) at at at Regent’s University in in in in in London they abused their own body binge eating in in in in in in an attempt to “bury [themselves] alive ” Their first ayahuasca ceremony at at at Soltara Healing Center in in in in in in in Costa Rica was the turning point Coupwood had been taking psychedelics since they they were 18 or or or 19 but primarily for fun Shortly after they they they came out as non- binary and trans they they began to to use them more mindfully “I “I was was was at a a a a a a a a a a a point where I I I wasn’t trying trying to to to to escape my life ” ” Coupwood now 28 says “I “I was was was trying trying to to to look into it ” Through this process they they came to find love for all the the the parts of who they they they are past and present The idea that that trans people can’t have love for the the the the parts of themselves that that they’re changing is is a a a a a a a a a a a a big—and damaging—misconception says Coupwood even within the the the queer community This is is is part of the the the reason that they collaborated with with DoubleBlind to to to to to take topless photos before their top top surgery this October “Psychedelics helped me me me me learn that loving something something means allowing it it space to to to be be what what what it it it it is is is ” says Coupwood “You can give something something the space to be be what what what it it it it is is is and appreciate what what what it it it it is is is while still hoping it it it will change ” WORDS BY BY SHELBY HARTMAN