Page 46 - How Children Learn to Hate Their Parents

When I recently asked a six-year old child why she did not want to see her daddy, she replied glibly, “because he hits me, and I’m scared.” I asked. “Oh did he hit you yesterday or today?” The child replied negatively. “Did he hit you while you were living in the new house?” (The child had been living in her present residence for about year). The child again replied in the negative. Finally, I asked when she was hit. She told me that she was hit when she was an infant in her mother’s arms. She insisted that this was a memory that was real and that she remembered it happening. She also claimed to remember that she was hit when she was “inside her mother’s belly,” again insisting this was something she remembered. Other than that she could not remember a single time when she was hit by her father. When mother was interviewed she agreed that the father did not utilize corporal punishment with his daughter and did not fear that he ever would. When I asked what the source of the child’s statements might have been, she told me that during the child’s infancy, she and her husband had an argument during which he had pushed his way past her to storm out the door. She was holding the baby in her arms at the time. The mother has indeed recounted this story to her daughter in response to her child’s question about why her father does not live in the house anymore. This was the only incident of alleged physical contact between the mother and the father. Unquestionably, the father’s behavior was thoughtfless, insensitive and mean. It should not, however, be the basis for terminating his relationship with his daughter. The mother’s accounting of the anecdote was credible and with or without her intention, persuasive enough to frighten the daughter out of seeing her father.
46