Page 75 - The Intentional Parent

Time out might improve parenting behavior by disrupting a circumstance which is causing the parent to be overly angry or aggressive. So, a second purpose of time out is to give the parent some time to regroup and regain composure.
Parents frequently ask how long is an acceptable period of time out. That’s very hard to say and often depends on the child. As a rule of thumb I think twenty minutes is a long time out, and I think telling a child to stay in their room “all night” or “all day” can breed resentment and might cause the child to isolate themselves from the family as a means of retaliation. Some parents offer a way out of time out by asking the child to explain WHY what he or she did was wrong. This is a good approach for parents whose children already have insight into their behavior. For children who do not have good insight into WHY their behavior was wrong, you should TELL them why it was wrong, ask them to stay in time out for twenty minutes (or however long is reasonable based on the child and the circumstance) and then give them the opportunity to repeat the “why”, and promise to be more mindful in the future.
So, to reiterate, parents can add an “educational” requirement to time out by incentivizing children to ask for their “release” contingent upon showing insight into their previous behavior. I recommend this technique -- but only for insightful children. I don’t see much of a point in telling a child they can come out of time out if they can say why it is wrong to shave the cat, or beat up a sibling if the child is simply giving the parent what the parent wants to hear without remorse or a promise to change. It can become a slippery slope for parents at this point. Children often know why their behavior is bad, but continue doing it anyway. There is no point in having children practice offering the moral aspects of their transgressions if they are unpersuaded to repair their behavior.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 75