Page 56 - How_Children_Learn_To_Hate_Their_Parents
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 voters demonstrated more confidence in he people they voted for right after they voted than just before. Research like this suggests that after children make the decision not to visit they are likely to feel more and more certain that this was the “right” decision. This in turn strengthens negative attitudes.
In the clinical settings which supervise parents in "visitation
jail" (often because children simply do not want to visit and not necessarily because the visitation ebcarcerated parent did anything wrong we are often faced with the very difficult dilemma of forcing a child to visit with a parent, despite the fact that they are kicking and screaming about not wanting to visit. It has become our protocol to allow the child to tantrum, but also insist the visitation occurs.
Some kids have incredible stamina and tantrum for hours. Others will calm down and actually enjoy the visit, despite their initial protests.
Once again, the social psychological research literature helps to explain why this might be the most beneficial approach to take with children in this situation. Research by Schlenker (1994) and also Tice (1992) suggests that when people are induced to act in a certain way, eventually they become that way. Children who feel pressure to remain loyal to a parent often act as though they hate the other parent. In reality, this is not real “hate.” It is a show of loyalty for the other parent. However, if we allow a child to protest in such as way as to act as though they hate the alienated parent, the emotion will eventually become real. This process would be inappropriately assisted if we allowed the temper tantrum to result in a terminated visit.
Reversing the phenomenon, if we require the child to stay, allow a child to have a good visit, even an uneventful visit, the child will
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