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Nearly missing the boat
By Norma Allan
‘Years ago I worked as a Tour Guide on board the small cruise ship, Lord of the Glens, on the Caledonian Canal. One evening we were moored at Inverness. The ship was full and I was ‘boarded out’ in a B&B nearby. I would rejoin the ship next morning ready for departure.
When I arrived at the quayside about twenty minutes before departure, I saw the ship slowly edging away from the jetty! I yelled frantically at the passengers who were out on deck and a crew member was alerted to assist me on board. My suitcase was heaved over the side and I was helped via the nearest aperture – the galley – into the ship. A loud cheer went up as I made it safely on board. Phew.
We returned by coach to the ship one evening and were looking forward as usual to our excellent dinner. After the guests had gone to their cabins, one of the senior members of the crew asked to speak to us guides urgently. He looked tense and anxious. What could have happened? Apparently the head chef had walked out and there was ‘nae’ dinner to be had that evening! Panic. Emergency. Think on your feet! We called the local pub to see if they could cater for about 16 hungry folk. All well. We then announced over the PA that we had a surprise for them this evening. For a change, we were going to have dinner at the local pub. They were delighted and enjoyed their evening.’
The Gerard Butler fan club
By Norma Allan
‘Myself and another colleague were asked to be guides on a Gerard Butler Fan Club Tour.
For those unaware, he is a Hollywood film star brought up in Paisley and studied Law at Glasgow University. We guides travelled through to the west to do a reccy, to check out the key sites we would have to visit for the tour. What fun that was. When the tour day arrived, two old-looking coaches arrived with two rough-looking drivers. Soon the fans arrived; middle-aged ladies clutching effigies and photographs of Gerard Butler. As we were about to depart on the tour, I checked the microphone, only to find it was not working! The driver fiddled about with the wires but achieved nothing. I demanded that we somehow get a replacement immediately. I explained the situation to the ladies and said that I would shout my commentary from the middle of the coach until the new mike arrived. The group leader stepped forward and angrily said: ‘This is
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