Page 12 - HEF Pen and Ink 2021

Pen and Ink 2021
Am I Not Good Enough? By Lillian Ware
I try, and I try to win this argument that is in my mind. The voice keeps telling me that I am not good enough. All I can do is ask myself... am I not good enough? I keep asking myself this question that I haven’t figured out the answer to; that I am destined to know. I feel like I am drowning in the nega- tivity that is in the statements you say. You tell me I am fine, and that I shouldn’t worry because I am feeling nothing, but emotions, and stress; to me I feel like my demons are trying to free themselves. That I am being a burden, but I am not a burden on trying to figure out how to save myself from
this war that I may not survive. You tell me that I am nothing, making me feel like I was just stabbed in the back by a dagger that is as sharp as the words that I would describe the war that I am in.
You tell me that I am a failure, which sinks in like the Titanic after it hit that iceberg and sunk to the bottom of the ocean. I feel as if I am not good enough to go to school, which I need to educate me for the future. I feel as if I will fail at everything, causing me to get Phobophobia, the fear of failure. Every word you say tells me I am not good enough, but the words and memories that I pushed in the farthest part of my brain resurface. They show me I am good enough, and that I belong. I ask again; am I not good enough?
Gabriel Sova