Page 17 - IAV Digital Edition#386

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Daughter Accidentally Finds Her Mother Having An Affair. Then her father calls.
"Hello?", "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what hap- pened honey?" he asked.
Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around scream- ing. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know
that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? .... Is this 555-5555?"
A group of friends who
went deer hunting sepa- rated into pairs for the day.
That night, one hunter retuned alone, stagger- ing under an eight-point buck.
“Where is Mike?” asked another hunter.
“He fainted a couple of miles up the trail,” Mike’s partner answered.
“You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?”
“A tough call,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Mike.”
A tour bus driver is driv- ing with a bus load of retirees when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and hands him another hand- ful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch he asks her: "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we have no teeth," she replies. "We just love licking the chocolate coating on them before we give them to you."
A man goes on a 2- month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his broth- er.
Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He's Dead
Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You
could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.
Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.
Madam wanted 3 rea- sons why the maid thought she deserved a raise
Maid: I can cook better than you.
Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me!
Madam: Ok, second rea- son.
Maid: I can iron better than you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me!
Madam: Ok, and the third reason?
Maid: I am better in bed than you.
Madam's face swelled with rage.
Madam: Did my husband say that?!
Maid: No the driver told me.
Madam: Lower your voice. Is 25% enough?
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Treadmill $300 • 794-8522387
Power X men’s bike. 26’ tires, 18spd. Maroon & grey, almost new $80 • 818-299- 1416386
New weight bench w/ weight. 100lbs concrete $100 for all • 754-1629385
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
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VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
1973 Chevy am radio, origi- nal $25 • 943-6071390
1973 radio track, am/fm $40 • 943-6071390
1969 Fisher body service manual, very rare $35. In depth on everything but motor & Trans • 272-9273
bet 8am-8:30pm390
Repair manual for 1984-94 Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz. Slightly used, good cond $15 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
2)Door window for 1970 Chevy Nova $50ea • 266- 1947390
New in box motorcycle headlight CY50 $20 • 266- 1947390
12 ton bottle jack, USA $45 • 256-4904389
Buick 425 head, dual four barrel, aluminum cover, run- ning engine • 944-5373
16” Aluminum rims for Lexus, xlnt cond $150 •
264-3928 20” Star faced rims, univer-
Pair 327/305 engine head $100/pr • 400-6914386
1962-63 Chevy pick up cab $250 • 400-6914386
Drawtite tow hitch. Off of 1989 Ford F250, good cond $100 • 818-299-1416386
New super ride all season tire. 1” white wall P185/80R/13 $35 • 818- 299-1416386
Summit High tire. 195/60R/15 on rim for Honda $70 • 818-299-1416386
New Goodyear tire. 1” white wall on rim P235/75R/15 $70 • 818-299-1416386
Chilton Toyota truck repair manual from 1970-88. Includes wiring & vacuum diagrams. For Land Cruiser & 4Runner, 4wheel drive & diesel engines • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only385
Engine stand, 750lbs capacity. Good cond $30 • 818-299-1416386
Mercedes Benz brakelight lens covers for 1970-1980’s. Disconnected, ready to go. One pair $68 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm377
Repair manual for Dodge full size pick up trucks 1994-96 $21 for 2WD & 4WD, gas & diesel engines • 272-9273 bet 8am- 8:30pm377
13” Dexter rim for very old trailer. Good cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
Repair manual for basic car- buration & fuel sys $35. The how & why for all things car- burator. Includes smog, emissions, fuel pumps & lines • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only373
Chrysler/Dodge/Eagle repair manual 1993-97 $18. Chrysler LHS, Concorde & New Yorker. Also Dodge Intrepid & Eagle Vision. In good shape • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm37
Flywheels for V8 Chevy motors $21. For older chevy motor • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm37
Used tire, 65% tread left $23. P215/65/R17 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only3663
Chilton’s repair manual for Mazda cars 1978-89, good cond. Models 323, 626,
388
sal look $325 • 824-2512
388
4 Tires , size 700/14/LT, like new $150 • 794-8675389
Old chrome V6 metal emblem $19, some pitting maybe from an old International Harvester • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
8:30pm
387
1955-70 Chevy body parts • 406-1843386
454 head for Chevy, big block • 478-4541386
Engine hoist w/ wheels • 478-4541386
1967 Chevy 327, rebuilt, complete $600 • 942-0820386
1972 Mustang engine 302, bored 30 over, short block w/ head & intake $500 • 942-0820386
1971 Cadillac engine 500, complete $600 • 942-0820386
1970 Cadillac engine 472, complete $600 • 942-0820386
Tires for car • 350-2896386
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