Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #565

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub.
He asks his moth- er what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton.
She replies, “A bush.”
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he’s in the show- er.
He asks, “What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?”
His father replies, “It is a snake.”
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bath- tub.
He asks, “What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?”
She replies, “Headlights.”
A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having lovemaking.
He yells, “Mom, turn on your head- lights! The snake is crawling into your bush!”
A woman’s hus- band had been slipping in and out of a coma for sev-
eral months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him he whispered, eyes full of tears: “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started fail- ing, you were still by my side. You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smil- ing as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather sup- plies for the sum- mer.
After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the doctor and said, “Doctor, I don’t
know how much more of this I can handle. We got us eight kids now and I just don’t know how we can go on. I gotta do something about having all these babies or I’ll just lose my mind!”
The doctor scratched his head and won- dered how to gen- tly instruct the woman on how to curb her ordeal and finally told her to pick up a ten- gallon bucket along with her supplies.
“And every night when you go to bed, I want both of your feet in that bucket and don’t take them out until morning.”
So the lady was off and all of her problems seemed to be solved.
That next spring, right on cue, she walked into the doctor’s office and promptly delivered another child. “Ma’am, I thought I told you to sleep each night with your feet in a ten- gallon bucket. What happened?” “Well, you see doctor, the store was all out of ten- gallon buckets, so I just figured two five-gallon buck- ets would do the trick just the same”
Georgia Woman Drives SUV Into Popeyes Over Missing Biscuits
AUGUSTA,
Ga. - A Georgia woman has been arrested after police say she purposefully crashed her vehicle into an Augusta Popeyes over missing biscuits.
Booking informa- tion from the Richmond County Sheriff's Office shows 50- year-old Belinda H. Miller was charged with first-degree crim- inal damage to property and aggravated assault.
Authorities say just after 7:45 Saturday night,
deputies were called to the fast food restaurant on Walton Way after reports of an accident with injuries, the Augusta Chronicle report- ed.
The manager reportedly told police that Miller became mad when she saw that she didn't have any biscuits with her order and drove her SUV into one of the restaurant's entrances.
According to WJBF, the man- ager said they fixed the mis- take, but it didn't
stop Miller from nearly hitting an 18-year-old employee with her SUV.
The arrest war- rant says Miller kept driving into the building until she was stopped by debris.
After fleeing the scene, police say they found her vehicle with front-end dam- age at her home.
The 50-year-old woman was given bond of over $4,000. It is not known if she remains in cus- tody or not.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine