Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #613

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
104-year-old Woman Celebrates Birthday By Going To Jail
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/w80TfP0rf6E
By Ben Hooper
Feb. 13 (UPI) -- A New York woman celebrated her 104th birthday by crossing an item off her bucket list: visiting the local jail.
The Livingston County Sheriff's Office said the woman, named Loretta, told staff at the Avon Nursing Home that she wanted to celebrate her 104th birthday with a visit to the Livingston County Jail.
The Sheriff's Office agreed to the request, and Loretta was treated to a tour of
the
lock-up facility.
"Before her tour, we cele- brated with some coffee and cake," the sheriff's office said in a Facebook post. "And she told the sheriff that the secret to living a long life is to 'mind your business!'"
The post said Loretta "had a great time touring our jail facility."
"We are so glad that we were able to make her birthday wishes come true," officials wrote. "Thank you for all the laughs today and for being a great sport!"
A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years— accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved.
Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, “My dar- ling, I have waited many years to say this... Will you marry me?”
The princess turns around, smiles, and says, “Pardon?”
Dad was angry when he saw that his son scored a zero in math.
"Son, can you explain this to me?"
"Well dad, the teacher didn't have any stars left to give me, so she gave me a moon!
My boyfriend Hans and I met
online. After dat- ing a long time, I introduced him to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet.
He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up.
Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, “I just used a modem.”
I met my husband while I was work- ing in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decid- ed to take out the librarian instead of the books.
After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn’t answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books.
“Since I couldn’t find the right engagement ring, this will have to do,” he said as he firmly stamped
my hand.
Across my knuck- les, in capital let- ters, it read... “NOT FOR CIR- CULATION".
Business profes- sor: "Who can give me an exam- ple of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?"
Student: "Tuition!"
John and I were putting the siding on a barn we were building. I noticed John would take nails out of his pouch, hammer in a few and throw a few awayJokes
I asked him why he was throwing so many nails away. He said he was throwing them away because they had the heads on the wrong end.
I shook my head and said, "John! Don't you know anything about carpentry? Those nails are for the other side of the building!"
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine