Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #593

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.
“Doctor,” the man said, “I don’t mind telling you, but I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine.”
“Nonsense,” the doctor said. “Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”
“It isn’t possible,” the man insisted. “Our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.”
“Well,” said the doctor, “Let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?”
The man seemed a bit ashamed. “I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.”
“Well, there you have it!” The doc- tor said confident- ly,...
... “It’s rust.”
Laura’s dishwash- er quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. “Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my bulldog, Bob. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circum- stances, talk to my parrot! I repeat, do not talk to my parrot!”
When the repair- man arrived at Laura’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watch- ing the repairman go about his work. The parrot, how- ever, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally, the repair- man couldn’t con- tain himself any longer and yelled,
“Shut up you stu- pid, ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Bob!
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!”
He backed her up against the bath- room door, pulled down her under- clothes and rav- aged her.
He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said ...
“That was the best, honey. You’ve never moved like that before, you didn’t hurt yourself did you?”
His wife replies, “No, no. I’ll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my bum.”
Nearly 110-year-old Time Capsule Found In Ceiling At Michigan Home
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckw6gpihJDU
By Ben Hooper
April 15 (UPI) -
- A repair project at a Michigan home led to a surprising dis- covery: a time capsule of items dating back more than 100 years.
Jesse Leitch said he hired a crew for repair work after the heater failed at his Grand Rapids home and the workers had to cut through the bathroom ceiling, where they found the stash of items.
"Just basically as they were cutting into the ceiling
above the bath- room -- it wasn't inabox,itwas just all this stuff kindofsetina pile basically," Leitch told WZZM-TV.
The 12 items found inside the ceiling included a handwritten note with a drawing, a tiny cast iron pan, a small per- cussion instru- ment, a marble, a couple of domi- noes, a picture
of Jesus and newspaper clip- pings from 1915.
"I knew this place was built in 1910. And so it's just a really old building and
made me think about, you know, obviously, some kid living here thought this stuff was important to stick around for the next guy," Leitch said.
Demolition crews tearing down the Richmond Mall in Forest Acres, S.C., found a time capsule of their own last month.
Officials said the capsule, buried when the mall opened in 2000, will be reburied inaparksetto replace the mall until its sched- uled opening in 2033.
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