Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #608

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Canadian Man Wins Microsoft Excel World Championships In Las Vegas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fazB-nAJETQ
By Ben Hooper
Dec. 11 (UPI) -- A financial modeling director from Canada was declared the spreadsheet champion of the world at the Microsoft Excel World Championships in Las Vegas.
Michael Jarman defeated 11 other finalists, including three-time world champion Andrew "The Annihilator" Ngai of Australia, at the spreadsheet-managing sport and took home a $5,000 prize and the wrestling-style champi- onship belt.
The final challenge of the championship had a World of Warcraft theme, with each finalist tracking the
experience points, earned gold and other stats of a team of orcs in a simulat- ed campaign.
"I mean, I'm not
a WoW player myself, but it was pretty cool," Jarman told CBC News. "We were given an eight-page instruction manual before going on stage to read, so we had some idea of what was going on."
The final round featured the lowest-scoring player being eliminated every 5 minutes, until only Jarman remained.
"It was an amazing feel- ing," Jarman said. "It's def- initely, you know, a really great memory for me, and will be for a long time."
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Colleen has been very difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. Yes, I know you warned me. I remember you told me that she was evil and would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her. I should have lis- tened to you. You want to speak with her? All right."
He looks up from the phone and calls to his wife in the next room, "Colleen, your mother wants to talk to you!"
I was driving home from work when I was pulled over for not wear- ing a seat belt. Three days later, I got the same tick- et, at the same stop, from the same cop.
“So, have you learned any- thing?” asked the cop.
“Yes, I have,” I began. “I’ve learned it's time
to find a new way home from work.”
To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused from jury duty. "Tell me," began the judge, "is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in the trial?"
The man replied, "I don't want to be away from my job that long."
"Can't they do without you at work?" demanded the judge.
"Yes," admitted the juror. "But I don't want them to realize it."
A six-year-old boy called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.
"But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buy- ing another one. Charlie's mother said it was irre- placeable."
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe
daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."
A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges. One Friday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the drive- way to get the newspaper and came back into the house frown- ing. At 11:30 am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk to the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
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