Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #555

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous. After mass, he asked Monsignor how he had done it. Monsignor replied, “When I fear being nerv- ous in the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water. If I start to get nerv- ous, I take a sip.
The following Sunday, the new priest decided to follow Monsignor's advice. At first he felt nervous and took a drink. He started talking about a storm.
Back in his office, he found a note on the door that read:
– Sip the vodka, don't swallow.
– There are 10 commandments, not 12.
– There are 12 disciples, not 10.
– Jesus was con- secrated, not con- stipated.
– Jacob bet his donkey, he did not “bet his donkey”
– We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the “late J.C.”
- We do not refer to the cross as "Big T".
- The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are not called "dad, junior and the ghost".
– David killed Goliath, he didn't “fuck him up”.
– When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we don't say he was “stoned from his donkey”.
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversa- tion:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you
called...Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're hav- ing such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. Okay. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
The trial went on for 4 weeks with testimony by both sides. Finally, the jury retired to determine the ver- dict.
After 2 days the jury had reached a decision to acquit the prison- er.
Judge: "What possible reason could you have for acquitting the prisoner?"
Foreman: "Insanity, sir."
Judge: "What, all twelve of you?"
Robot Runs 100 Meters In 24.73 Seconds, Breaks World Record
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdojWYOK0Nc
By Ben Hooper
Sept. 27 (UPI) - - A robot devel- oped at Oregon State University broke a Guinness World Record by run- ning 100 meters on two legs in less than a half- minute.
Oregon State University's College of Engineering ann ounced that the robot, developed at the school and produced by OSU spinoff company Agility Robotics, broke the Guinness World Record for fastest 100 meters by a
bipedal robot.
The robot, dubbed Cassie, took to the track at the school's Whyte Track and Field Center and ran the 100 meters in 24.73 seconds.
Cassie previous- ly managed to run a 5-kilometer (3.1-mile) course in 2021 in just over 53 minutes.
The develop- ment team said Cassie is the first bipedal robot to use machine learning to con- trol a running gait on outdoor terrain.
"We have been building the understanding to achieve this world record over the past several years, running a 5k and also going up and down stairs," graduate student Devin Crowley, who led the Guinness effort, said in the news release.
"Machine learn- ing approaches have long been used for pattern recognition, such as image recog- nition, but gener- ating control behaviors for robots is new and different."
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