Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #557

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
The 6th-grade sci- ence teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the ques- tion again, “Which body part increas- es to 10 times its size when stimu- lated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trou- ble!”
The teacher con- tinued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body
part that increas- es 10 times its size when stimu- lated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks
said “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and con- tinued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walk- ing in the opposite direction says
“oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?”
The blonde replies
“Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex.”
The man responds
“Huh.. that’s inter- esting.. why
did you name them such
names?”
The blonde sighs and shakes her head.
“Everyone keeps asking me the same thing...
duhh, what else can you name your watch dogs??”
Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself.
Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!"
The next day, Carl calls again, result- ing in the same sequence of events.
The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period! We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?"
"Well Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough."
Sagging Thief Loses His Pants During Burglary At AFriscoRestaurant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8MsiCs_6Wo
SAN FRANCIS- CO (KPIX) -- A burglar was caught on video losing his pants as he and his accomplices stole a safe from one of San Francisco's busiest dim sum restaurants.
The owners wanted to share their surveillance video to show just how bad it has gotten for small businesses in the city.
Over the week- end, the sagging thief and 2 other suspects smashed their way into the office of the
Palette Tea House in Ghirardelli Square.
The video shows one man using a tool to break into a window, and then shows the trio dragging the safe out of the office.
As they clumsily dragged the heavy safe up the stairs, one of the suspects in the video could- n't keep his pants up. At one point, they fell to his knees, and he almost left them behind.
The owner said sagging thief and
his accomplices managed to get away with cash, a laptop and his pants.
The manager told KPIX 5 that burglars stole at least $10,000 worth of cash and equipment needed to oper- ate the restau- rant.
Staffers at Palette Tea House followed the stolen laptop to a deli in Hunters Point. They called 911, but it took police officers five hours to respond to the location.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine