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The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
REAl ESTATE
REaL ESTaTE LOaNS
Conventional, FHA, VA, Jumbo. Interest only, ARM. We have all programs • 722-5255
R/E BROKERS
•••meridian capital aV:
First time buyer program. Credit Problems Ok! Down Payment Assistance. FREE CONSULTATION. Call: Tony austin / realtor: 661-722-5255
•••betty marcos - PLI realty. First time buyers. Why rent when you can own. Little or zero down • 661-944-7171
FORECLOSURE
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. bargain Prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us today. ask for Tony 722- 5255 or betty at 661-944- 7171
aPaRTMENT: FOR RENT
Palmdale: Apartments for rent: 2br+1ba, $725 and 1br+1ba, $580, plus deposit. Please contact management company Precise Real Estate Attn: Roxana Castillo • 661-886-
0406
373dpam
rosamond Palms
- Motel Apt Extended Stay $28/day - $750/mo - Large Studio w/ Kitchen $37/day - $850/mo
- 2 Room Double Suite $49 -$950/mo, Taxes included, Free WIFI & HBO & utilities
W. Palmdale: 3+1 $1100 •
265-8178 378
E. Lancaster: Away from city, 2+1, stove, fridge & microwave $800. 1st & last to move-in • 818-687-1044376
Boron: 1+1, $400/mo. Move-in cond. Nice & clean
• 818-212-3082
375
W. Lancaster: Amazing home. 5+3, Formal living & dining. Huge kitchen, big backyard, basketball court •
income check $1,150 • 733- 6595376
E. Lancaster: Private room, newer home close to Soccer field, plenty of street parking. $450 + 1/3 utilities, Sec deposit. No smoking, drugs, alcohol or pet • 754- 1115376
All women silver home. $350 & $450, utilities pd • 264-4304375
W. Lancaster: $550+$100dep. Pd utilities. Masterbedroom w/ private bath, walk-in closet, fur- nished, full privileges. Internet, pool & jacuzzi. No smoking or drugs • 718- 2020375
Rancho Vista: Beautiful, peaceful home. Close to AV Mall, frwy. Large room, Laundry & Internet. No drugs & alcohol. $500, pd utilities, no dep & no securi- ty. Must be employed • 450-
When NASA was prepar- ing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew, who were walking among the rocks.
The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son trans- lated for the NASA peo- ple: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excit- ed and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.
Recognizing a promo- tional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA offi- cial accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproarious- ly. But he refused to translate.
So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other mem- bers of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's mes- sage to the moon.
Finally, an official govern- ment translator was sum- moned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:
"Watch out for these ass- holes! They've come to steal your land."
Men’s Room, Men’s Rules. A long line lead- ing to the ladies’ room
greeted my friend’s wife. Since desperate times call for desperate meas- ures, my friend took her into the empty men’s room, then stood guard.
When she exited a few minutes later, a man waiting his turn called out, “I hope you remem- bered to put up the toilet seat.”
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 32,’ is the reply.” “Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says very happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a very big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.” Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I am 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands slow- ly, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible! How could you tell?”
The old man says, “Promise you won’t get mad?”
“I promise I won’t,” she says.
“I was behind you in line at McDonalds.”
Adam and God are walk- ing through the Garden of Eden....and Adam asks God, "God, why did you make Eve so beauti- ful?" And God replies, "So you would always want to look at her my son."
Adam asks, "So, why did you make her smell so good?" God replies,"So you would always want to be around her my son."
Adam asks, "Well, why did you make her skins so soft?" God replies, "So you'd always want to touch her my son."
Adam asks, "Well why did you make her so stu- pid?" God replies, "So she would love you my son."
aParTmenT For renT In moJaVe
VERY NICE, QUIET 2 bedroom 1 bath renovated, fenced with a covered carport, Central heating and air conditioning.
$595.00 Security plus first month rent of $595.00 Please call 661-202-5704 for more information385
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;
HomeseLLers
Find out what homes down the street were sold for! FREE computerized list w/ picts of area home sales and current listings www.palmhomesevaluation.com 661-860-7796 Amigo Realty - Agent Rosario #01785140375
874-7306
374
$400 • 265-8178
378
utilities • 562-208-9371
378
W. Palmdale: shared bath, $475+$200dep. Utilities pd. No pet, no drugs or alcohol, must be employed, SS ok • 266-1947374
$350 & $300 • 238-6946
373
• 661-256-1964
382dp
Reduced room rent of $250 in exchange for part time care giving, light cleaning & cooking. Female, God fear- ing & honest. No drugs or drama • 789-8729375
HOUSE FOR SaLE
Lancaster: 3+2, block fenced, automatic sprinkler, auto garage door. Tiles & carpet. Storage shed, cov- ered patio & etc $162,000 • 944-7171
Boron: 4+2, nice & clean. Move-in cond. Nice area • 818-442-1135375
W. Palmdale: Rancho Vista area, Top of the hill at the end of culdesac. Like brand new. 5+3, wood floors, lots of upgrade $374,995 • 944- 7171
N. Edwards: 3+1, single garage, remodeled, fire- place, fenced yard $35,000 • 824-4442 / 808-1967373
W. Lancaster: Guest house, 1+1, living room, kitchen, dining area $750+$750dep • 874-7306374
Boron: 5+2, nice area, big & clean $800 includes utilities • 818-448-9829374
ROOM FOR
RENT
Share apt, shared bath, all utilities pd, kitchen privi- leges $350 • 208-5555378
Palmdale: Ave R & 27st East. No pet, drugs alcohol or smoking. $550 • 526- 2711378
W. Palmdale: Single person, no smoking & drinking.
W. Lancaster: 3 rooms. $350 & $450. Full privi- leges, washer/ dryer. Pd all
5541
374
Palmdale: Single working person. No smoking & pet. $425+ $100dep. Utilities pd, wifi • 818-402-7676378
Cal City: $350, pd utilities • 760-848-3549376
E. Lancaster: Newly remod- eled home, own bath, fully furnished w/ new furnitures, AC • 942-6981376
Furnished or unfurnished, Fairly new home. $400/ $450 • 480-0875376
Littlerock: 82nd & Ave U. 3+2, fireplace, living & din- ing room, approx 1700sqft, single story. Credit &
Cal City: 2 clean rooms.
HOUSE FOR RENT
Cal City: 3+2, natural gas, large fenced yard, granite counter top, French door, auto garage door. Beautiful & great area $850 + $850deposit • 944-7171
over 200 houses & con-